What She Feared Most
by Gigai-Gurl
Summary: What happens when Rukia encounters the thing she feared the most? Set way after the Soul Society Arc in a time where only fanfictions can tread. Chapter 8 is up! Entitled: Choice
1. What She Feared Most

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is owned by Kubo Tite. Hopefully, I won't get sued for using his material to come up with my own scenarios of Bleach. I just love the manga and the anime series. Sugoi desu!

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, I need to bring this out since it's cheaper to rant this way than go to therapy, right? Anyway, I've been so depressed lately about Chapter 181 of the manga. My mind simply refuse that it has to end that way between Ichigo and Rukia. Argh! I know, I'm such a dork. But I can't help it, I'm an IchiRuki fan._ sniffs_ So I decided to let my imagination stretch out for a little bit on this one to answer the IchiRuki what ifs I have in my mind. I hope people won't get too put off by this. It's going to be a multi-chapter story, so I can't wait to see how it will really unfold. Thanks for reading patiently!

_Kiseichou_ - the name of Rukia's sword in this fanfic. Kisei for death; chou is short for kouchou or butterfly. Together, the her sword's name literally means Death Butterfly or Butterfly of Death.

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**What She Feared Most**

Rukia finally reached the place where she sensed the clashing of spirit pressures. Just a few minutes ago, she felt the spirit pressures of Inoue, Ishida and Sado, bursting like cannonballs being released in the midnight air, then utter silence.

But there was also something else, a spirit pressure greater than her three friends' combined. She felt as if a cold hand clutched her heart as she ran towards the source of the spiritual energy.

"Ichigo," she whispered desperately.

The place looked devastating like a wrath of a hundred hurricanes or earthquakes had ravished the land. Deep gashes in the ground, fallen trees, grasses on fire and smoke everywhere while the faint shine of the moon cast eerie shadows.

Rukia strained her eyes to see beyond the smoke and darkness. "Inoue! Ishida! Sado!" she shouted into the thick air. It smelled of evil. She resisted the urge to fear for their lives and ran headlong through the darkness.

"Inoue! Ishida! Sado! Where are you?" she called out urgently. Her eyes had gotten accustomed to the smoky mist and she saw Sado first. She gasped in horror. "Sado!"

Sado laid on the ground motionless, his right arm battered and slashed. Blood was running profusely from his wounds. Rukia ran to his side, he didn't stir. She saw Ishida, lying face down a few feet away from him. The Quincy was pale and wallowing in his own blood, not moving. "Ishida…"

She looked around to see where Inoue was and saw the long-haired girl lying on her side. "Inoue!" Rukia shouted as she ran towards her. Inoue had blood spilling down her face; there was a big gash on her forehead. Her body lay limp on the ground. Rukia's eyes filled with tears as she held Inoue's hand.

'_Who could have done this to them?_' she thought in agony. "Why did this happen?" she said, her voice tinged with despair. Suddenly, that same cold hand clutched at her heart. "Ichigo!" she shouted into the night. "Ichigo!"

A wicked laugh pierced the silence and rang through Rukia's ears. A dark shadow was approaching from the smoky mist. She unsheathed Kiseichou and braced herself for the coming threat. "Who's there?" she said warningly.

"Tsk, tsk," said the shadow. "Is that the way to treat a precious close friend who hasn't seen you for quite a while?" Rukia froze; her hands trembled a little, as she heard the familiar voice. _'Is it Ichigo? How come I didn't feel his spirit pressure? No…it can't be.'_

Rukia shook away her thoughts and regained her composure. "I don't know what game you're playing at, but you better show yourself and face me," she said, fear and doubt overshadowed by her authoritative voice.

"My, My, aren't we friendly tonight?" the voice shot back. "Very well, I'm getting tired of waiting anyway." The shadow moved towards Rukia menacingly. She readied herself, with Kiseichou gleaming in her hand.

Slowly, the smoky mist faded and the muted moonlight shone on the figure emerging from the darkness. A bowed head with a crop of orange hair caught the light and his black shinigami robe was dripping with blood. Rukia instantly recognized him and shouted, "Ichigo!"

But the figure didn't move, his face slightly obscured by the darkness. "Eh? You keep calling me that. Didn't you know?" it said, finally lifting its face for Rukia to see. "He doesn't live here anymore!"

'_No, it can't be. This is not happening,'_ Rukia thought, her eyes widened and a cold dread ran down her spine at the sight of his face. It was as if the gentle night had turned evil and grabbed her throat, choking the life out of her. For under the moonlight shone the skull masked Ichigo, its eyes shining bright red like that of a hollow.

Rukia began to tremble and her knees became weak. She couldn't move. She wanted to cry out in anguish -_'Why?'_ She knew the story about Ichigo's Shattered Shaft training with Urahara, in which he almost became a hollow but was able to resist it and regain his shinigami powers. Even Hanatarou secretly talked to her about his concerns when he found the mask on Ichigo back when they were in the sewers of Seireitei.

She became extremely worried about him but nobody was available to give her straight answers. They had been busy dealing with Aizen, the man who was responsible for Kaien-dono's death. He was the one who wanted to fuse hollows with shinigamis to create a new being. He was the one who created these abominations that have nothing but one goal - to rule the worlds of the living and non-living.

Earlier that day in Soul Society, she had sensed a deep foreboding that bore down her soul. She felt uneasy. It was as if something in her wanted to go see him that instant because a fear that she couldn't name made her anxious for his safety and to forego another day would be too late. She must warn him.

She worked immediately to get permission to go back to the world of the living. If they didn't give it to her, she would have gone anyway. A sense of urgency tugged at her and no rhyme or reason can stop her. She had to go at all cost.

But it took longer than she thought to go through the proper channels. The night was at its peak when she finally came out of the doorway and into the living world. By then, she moved as fast as she could to get to him in time. _'But now, it was too late,'_ she thought, clenching Kiseichou tighter. The abomination was standing right in front of her.

"What's the matter?" the hollow-Ichigo's voice broke into her thoughts. "You seemed surprised. I thought you would have known by now that this is going to happen sooner or later – that this is the extent of our power and his true strength lies within me."

The hollow released its spirit force, the ground shook, the trees fell and dust flew all over the place. The sheer pressure of its power brought Rukia down on her knees. She struggled to keep her head up. It sneered at her weakness.

"Shut up!" Rukia shouted. She struggled to her feet. "Ichigo is not the kind of person who will rely on anybody's power." She readied herself to attack. "His will, his strength go beyond you!"

Rukia ran toward hollow-Ichigo and slashed with all her might. It blocked her sword with Zangetsu. Metal upon metal clashed. Rukia felt the spiritual pressure weighed down on her. Her small frame dwarfed by hollow-Ichigo's sword, which swung threateningly close. She jumped away safely; feeling the tip of the sword grazed her robe.

"You are as feisty as ever," it said. "I see you wanna suffer like the others before you." Rukia was unnerved, she shot a quick glance at the prone figures of Inoue, Ishida and Sado. She couldn't believe Ichigo had hurt their friends. _'No, it's not him. It's that monster.'_

She smirked. "Don't underestimate me, you monster!" She poised to attack again.

"O-ho, big words for such a little girl. Don't think I will hold back. Come at me and I'll cut you. He's no longer here to protect you, you know," it taunted.

"I SAID SHUT UP!" Rukia lunged forward. Their swords clashed again. But she was faster. She landed a knee under its chin. It made contact. Hollow-Ichigo thrust its head back from the impact. Rukia didn't waste time; she followed her attack with another. This time, with Kiseichou in full force.

But the hollow easily blocked it with one hand. It lowered Zangetsu and Kiseichou until Rukia was face to face with the skull mask. Its red eyes pierced through her like burning coals and its breath heavy with death. "Tell me, will you be able to kill him to stop our fusion?" it whispered, every word lethal on Rukia's heart.

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_To be continued…_

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Additional Author's Note: Um, this was originally a 3,000+-word story. I thought it was awfully long to read so I decided to break it into two parts, which resulted in Chapter 2 – "The Butterfly Soars." Hopefully, the break wasn't too abrupt.


	2. The Butterfly Soars

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Japanese terms, in case some people don't know yet (my thanks to Bleachportal)

Kiseichou- kisei for death; chouis short for kochou or butterfly; literally Butterfly of Death (Rukia's sword in this fanfic)

Zangetsu - Cutting Moon (Ichigo's sword as named by Kubo sensei)

Reiraku - Soul Sieve, the visual manifestation of spiritual auras in the atmosphere.

Shikai - meaning "first release" form of a shinigami's sword. It usually happens when a shinigami learned his or her sword's name.

Kakeru - meaning to soar or to fly; the word Rukia used to summon Kiseichou into Shikai form (again it is only in this fanfic.)

Baka/Baka mono - fool, stupid, idiot (need I say more...).

Hmmm...that's about cover the terms, I think. If I miss something, please tell me. Thanks. Spoilers? Um, I guess there are some. Gomen ne?

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**  
The Butterfly Soars**

It was as if Hollow-Ichigo's words had driven a stake through her. She was stunned and her hold of Kiseichou wavered. She was taken aback, leaving her open and defenseless against the enemy.

"I thought so," it said, seeing the opening and quickly retaliated. It swung its blade, caught Rukia by the arm and the force of the attack brought her careening towards a tree.

Her breath came in gasps. Her arm and forehead were bleeding. She struggled to get up on her feet, steadying herself on the tree, her every limbs hurting immensely. Hollow-Ichigo watched her with interest and said, "I can sense you care so much for him, even in a life and death situation such as this, you refuse to hurt him. How sweet."

"But do you really think you can save him?" it continued, eyes glowing red. "If so, then you are a fool. I've conquered him and he will stay in my unconscious where you can never reach him. Or help him. He and his power will soon be mine."

Rukia held back her tears. _'Don't listen to him, don't listen.' _ Her heart was like being torn to pieces. She didn't want to face that choice again. But here it was, right in front of her. It was like the time Kaien-dono was killed by her own hands. _'No, please, no. Not Ichigo, too.' _

The hollow knew her weak resolve to attack since she was afraid to cut Ichigo down. But she had to stop the fusion of their spirits before Ichigo becomes a hollow forever. She had to, no matter what. Her heart and mind trembled at the thought of this inevitable outcome.

All of a sudden, the hollow began to twitch as if in pain. Its skull mask showed a crack. She felt and heard him. _'Rukia, run! Run away from here!' _ She looked at the hollow. She could see two Reirakus, one black, the other red, surrounding it. The red one trying to overcome the black.

It was a momentary vision. Hollow-Ichigo stood up as if it had suffered a minor irritation. But Rukia knew that all was not lost. She could still reach him and help him overcome this inner demon. Deep inside, she was grateful and relieved that the monster had not possessed him completely. There was still a chance to save him and she would make sure he gets that chance.

'_I thought I'd lost you, baka,"_ she thought, hoping against hope that he would hear her. _'Just keep on resisting him._ _I'll buy you some time so you can beat him.'_ With that in mind, she renewed her resolve to fight without holding back.

"I'm sorry I got interrupted. Now, where was I? Oh, yes…once we're fused together you will see how both of your worlds will tremble at my feet. HAHAHAHA!"

"You're the fool because you will never win," she launched herself from the tree, leaping towards the hollow. "This time, I will not hesitate to cut you!" She flew overheard, slashing hollow-Ichigo between the shoulder blades. It went down in shock at the speed of her attack.

"You want to know why you will never win?" she asked it, with narrowed eyes and a mock grin on her face. "It's because Ichigo will never let you. OI, ICHIGO, ENOUGH WAITING AROUND. I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE SOMEWHERE. COME ON OUT AND BEAT THIS GUY ALREADY. I'M GETTING TIRED OF HIM!"

"SHUT UP!" It shouted and came after her with Zangetsu. It brought the sword down with full force, but Rukia was able to dodge it. But she wasn't fast enough. Hollow-Ichigo came after her faster and slashed her back. She groaned and dropped to the ground.

"You are getting to be a real pain, little shinigami girl. I think I'll do away with you now," it said, raising Zangetsu to finish her off with a final blow. Rukia looked up at it with her eyes unyielding, she would not die with her eyes closed.

But its hand suddenly stopped in mid air. The arm shook wildly, as if having a mind of its own. Its other hand took hold of the flailing arm, hoping to keep it steady but it wouldn't stop. Hollow-Ichigo was now howling in frustration. Another crack appeared on its mask and Rukia once again saw the Reikakus battling each other for supremacy.

Her vision was becoming blurry as blood kept gushing out her forehead. Her injured arm was becoming limp and her bloodied back hurt so badly. _'No, no, not yet,'_ she told herself. _'Please not yet. Ichigo needed a little more time. I have to get up.'_

She stood up with great difficulty, using her sword to steady her. Blood was all over her robe and rushing down to the ground. She could feel her knees trembling but she stood up straight. _'Calm down and focus,'_ she said to herself. She called upon every ounce of her spirit powers to give her strength. _'Help me, Kiseichou, just a little while longer.'_

The ground shook and leaves flew in every direction. A wind formed under Rukia's feet and enveloped her entire body. The blood from her wounds momentarily stopped and her face glowed with the enormous power she had mustered. She readied herself for another attack.

'OI, HOLLOW! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET! KISEICHOU! KAKERU!" She ran towards Hollow-Ichigo with Kiseichou in Shikai form. She had never used the Shikai form of her sword even when she was hollow-hunting in the living world, but she knew this was as good a time as any.

After being saved from certain death back in Soul Society, she made a point to train earnestly as she gradually regained her spirit powers. The battle with Aizen and his minions as well as Ichigo's transformation into an excellent shinigami had spurred her to hone her skills further through the help of her brother, Byakuya. By then, she had gotten to know the name of her sword and its power. Now, she was grateful for that training because she knew this was no ordinary battle she can turn her back from.

Kiseichou rang in her hands. It flared and fluttered, transforming itself into a sword shaped like a battle axe. Its sharp, black blades were like outstretched wings of a butterfly. Its hilt had a long chain attached to it. Rukia swung Kiseichou and released it towards Hollow-Ichigo. It pierced him on the chest; the force of her spirit power sent the hollow back among the rocks. The ground trailed a deep gash under it.

Kiseichou recoiled back in Rukia's hand. She staggered for a bit, the release of her spirit power almost exhausting her. But she knew it was far from over. She had to act quickly before it gets back on its feet. She rushed to meet it again, whirling Kiseichou in the air and then letting it go as far as it could. This time, she aimed her weapon directly at the mask.

The hollow dodged its face sideways and the sword slashed half the mask off, revealing Ichigo's face. Blood rushed out the wound on the side of its eye. Rukia felt at once that Ichigo was trying to gain control and gain back consciousness. She could here his faint voice coming in and out from the depths of that glowering eye. Hollow-Ichigo swung at her angrily.

"What's this? Looks like the little shinigami girl has raised her spirit powers up a notch and called upon her sword's Shikai. I see you're not holding back anymore. Well, this fight should be exciting." She could see Ichigo's mouth curved in a wicked smile. "It seems he cares for you as well, I could feel his resistance within me every time I tried to attack you. But like I said, he won't be able to protect you anymore."

With this, Hollow-Ichigo attacked Rukia relentlessly. It swung Zangetsu with reckless abandon, making Rukia retreat her steps. '_It's driving me into a corner, but I won't let it,' _she thought, while desperately fending off the attacks. "BINDING SPELL, THE FIRST SAI!"

The hollow's raised sword didn't come down as Rukia's demon spell took effect. She quickly ran in the middle of the clearing. She knew the spell wouldn't hold the hollow for long. But it gave her time to regain her ground.

"You are really beginning to annoy me," said the hollow, breaking free of the spell in an instant. It walked slowly towards her and she felt its spiritual pressure rising with every stride. She braced herself. _'This is it,'_ she thought, and summoned all her remaining spirit powers. _'We will make our stand here, Kiseichou.'_

"OI, ICHIGO, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME. KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP RESISTING HIM. I'LL GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU NEED. SO STOP WAITING AROUND DO YOU HEAR ME?" Rukia called out, her eyes directed at the exposed face of Ichigo.

"You seem to badly want him to regain consciousness eh, little shinigami girl?" The red eyes narrowed into slits. "I told you my reiatsu was stronger and has subdued him into silence. The only time you will get is the time I'll be completely fused to his soul. And then this Ichigo will be no more…unless, you kill us both now. But you know, that's not gonna happen."

Rukia gripped Kiseichou tighter. Despite her successful attacks, the hollow's spiritual pressure hadn't diminished at all. Instead, it kept on rising and getting stronger. _'No! Ichigo will regain control of his spirit soon enough, he just needs a little more time.' _

She lowered her weapon, her face hard and stoic towards Hollow-Ichigo. She charged forward at full speed. Kiseichou met Zangetsu's resistance. Rukia struggled to keep her weapon in her hands. Her spiritual pressure clashing with the hollow's, suffocating her. But she would not back down. _"Ichigo! Keep fighting, keep resisting him, do you hear me? Promise me you wouldn't give up. I have faith in you!"_

Hollow-Ichigo lowered its face to hers. Its dreadful eyes held Rukia's hard stare. "Hmm…maybe I should let him see you like this, struggling for your life. I'm sure it will torment him to no end to see you die. Too helpless to protect you. That way my possession of him will be complete."

"NO!" Rukia screamed as she furiously slashed at the hollow one after another. It only laughed as it fended off her attacks. Soon she became aware of Ichigo's spirit power, faint but it was definitely there. She thought he was winning over this monster at last. She saw in the glowing red eye of Ichigo's exposed face, the real Ichigo tightly bound by a black reiatsu. He was struggling as he looked at her.

"Can you see him now?" said the hollow to Rukia as they struggled against each other's swords. She could hear Ichigo's spirit shouting_, 'Rukia, no! Get away! He's going to hurt you!' _

And for a moment, she seemed to smile at him and thought_, 'Baka mono, I've come this far to turn back now. So don't give up. Do what needs to be done. I believe in you, Ichigo!'_ She knew from the beginning that this was not a battle of pride, but a battle to save a life - his life.

At that moment, Hollow-Ichigo gained the upper hand. It whispered to her, "Foolish little shinigami girl. Now he can watch you die." Meanwhile, she could hear Ichigo's spirit shouting desperately, _"STOP IT!" "STOP!"_

Rukia felt Zangetsu slashed her on the chest as it broke Kiseichou in two. She glanced up at Ichigo's spirit and felt her eyes released tears as she fell. The force of the blow threw her to the ground like a rag doll. She let the pain scatter throughout her body.

"Ichigo...I...I believe in you," she whispered under her last breath.

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Another Author's Note:

I invented the name for Rukia's sword so please don't look for it in the manga or anime episodes. I had a lot of help from the Zanpakotou Guide of Bleachportal. This site rocks! So I was able to gain insight on the significance of the swords' names and their shikai forms. It was a lot of fun researching what would be appropriate for Rukia's. I haven't read the earlier chapters of the manga so I don't know if Kubo sensei had mentioned the name of Rukia's sword somewhere. If he had, my bad.

I chose butterfly and death together since during the first episode a butterfly appeared which sort of marked Rukia's first appearance in the living world as a Death God. Plus, in my culture, the spirits of the dead are closely associated with butterflies. We have also the belief that a black butterfly is a harbinger of death. 'Kiseichou' seemed an apt choice. I did a quick drawing of her sword in Shikai form and it came out looking like a battle axe, which for me was really neat. I kind of wanted to elaborate on the sword's attack, though, but it's hard to put what I have in mind on paper just yet.

As for the tragic event in this story, I did have a hard time reconciling between what I wanted to happen and what the story wants to lead up to. Does that make sense? It's hard to explain, but anyway, I'll write the next chapter soon enough. For the meantime, let us grieve in peace. Ja ne!


	3. Uneasy Conversation

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is owned by Kubo Tite.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Osilly – Thanks. I'm glad you liked it, but sorry I can't write that fast (especially with summer school, festivals, movies etc etc getting in the way…hehe). But here's a new one.

Outsune – Ack! Please don't 'die' yet. Here, look at the pretty death butterfly…see the nice wings. (I know I'm trying so hard to escape the fact that there's not much update being written) Hehe. But thanks.

Sinmay – Wow! I really appreciate your detailed look at my work. I'll put up the changes tho I wish the site can update real time so I don't have to wait if the corrections went thru or not. As for the Rukia dodging Hollow-Ichigo's attack, I forgot that it should be the second attack she didn't get away from.

Lestat – I can't answer your question yet. I haven't the slightest idea where this story will turn (twist and bite itself on its behind). We'll cross the bridge when we get there ne?.

Thanks again guys for all the reviews and for simply reading the story. Sorry if I've taken my time updating the next chapter. This is actually a filler chapter (hides behind something solid preferably a big, thick wall to protect self from projectiles and whatnots…hehe) I know, but kindly bear with me. I'm still writing Ichigo's fight scenes and it's so dang hard! Argh! Anyway, I hope this will keep you sated for a while.

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**Uneasy Conversation**

_'Where are all these Hollows coming from?'_ thought Urahara, while slicing the hollows with Benihime. It had been awhile since he fought hollows and longer still since he fought this many.

He gave Yoruichi and Isshin quick glances. The two were also busy dealing with Hollows. _'Something big and terrible is going to happen,'_ he said to himself, trying to figure out what the sudden hollow infestation of the human world was all about.

Earlier that day when he was in his shop and checking inventory, he felt spirit pressures so huge it almost brought him down to his knees. He couldn't make out whom those spirit pressures belong to but he got a distinct feeling of dread from it, much like a bad omen quietly announcing its entrance. 

Yoruichi felt it, too, and immediately told him that they should investigate. He didn't like going out of the store that much, but when Yoruichi said it might have something to do with Kurosaki Ichigo, he didn't have a choice. Somehow, he felt responsible for the orange-haired shinigami's well-being.

They have been talking about the boy and the mask that Yoruichi had kept away from him when they were in Soul Society. At the back of his mind, he toyed with the possibility that Ichigo will go down that path. Or at least, be forced to. He tried to dismiss it from his mind but it lingered there like a bad dream waiting to happen.

Inside he knew he had made a grave mistake. He had put too much on the line for the greater good and he didn't think much of the consequences it would have on the people he had involved. He was so intent at hiding that blasted device from evil hands that he failed to use his heart. What he did to Rukia have gone too far and it endangered her, Ichigo and his friends' lives. And this thought weighed down heavily on his conscience.

Yoruichi noticed him deep in thought. "We taught the boy every fighting skills we know. But I don't think we can teach him how to overcome this one thing," she said to him in an attempt to ease his mind.

Urahara sighed deeply. "Hmm…perhaps. It's just that when I look back, I sometimes feel that we may have been wrong in our decision to put him hrough the risks of those trainings with us and to let him go to Soul Society."

"Eh? It's not in your character to feel guilty in the choices you make, Kisuke," said Yoruichi calmly. "We did what we had to do to help him. Besides, if we didn't decide to train him the way we did, he would probably go down that path easily."

She looked at the bowed head of Urahara and felt how empty her words must have been to her close friend. She didn't blame him for what he did. It was a very difficult choice to begin with. But had he chosen not to do what he did, this world and the next would have long been gone. Gone to the world of the hollows. By then, nothing would have mattered, not even their lives.

"Still, I couldn't help but think that it would have been better if he hadn't regained his shinigami powers, not undergone our trainings and just…just led a normal teenager's life in this world," Urahara said, his eyes filled with uncharacteristic softness. "He is, after all, only human."

The typical Yoruichi in her would have said, "And what? Let Aizen have his way and get the Hou-gyoku that easy. Without Ichigo's help, there was no way to get both Rukia and the device back safely here." Instead, she held her tongue. This was no time to rebuke her friend who had been feeling remorseful lately. "And what? Let him live on and deal with the knowledge of Rukia's execution?" she asked, rather matter-of-factly. "I don't think you would be able to erase his memory of her no matter how many memory-erasing merchandise you have here. I've sensed how deeply he cared about her despite his façade of indebtedness even before we went to Soul Society."

Urahara pondered her words and said, "I thought so, too. Or else, he wouldn't have gone to great lengths just to save her. He would probably have gone even without my help because that's the kind of stubborn fellow he is. I guess, it was better for him to get help from us than to receive it from…" he hesitated as if debating to himself whether to give out a name or not. "…from the Vizards."

He looked out the window as if the word stung him. "But I do hope when the time comes to choose between the two paths, he'll make the right one and survive. For both our worlds' sake." He let out a sigh. Now that Aizen had gotten what he coveted for a long time, a war would be inevitable and he hoped against all hope that Ichigo would not find himself fighting on the wrong side.

Yoruichi just nodded. She, too, had the same fervent hope.

Now, it seemed a long time ago since they had that conversation. When Isshin came to the shop that evening, telling them about his son's sudden change of behavior and a certain shinigami named Kuchiki Rukia earnestly trying to find him, Urahara couldn't help feel that same dread. So they set out to find him. 

However, the hollows arrived – a lot of them. It was as if they were trying to hinder their progress at finding Ichigo. _'No matter,"_ Urahara said, coming out of his recollection quickly. _'We'll defeat every single one of them!'_

He felt another spirit pressure, this one distinct and familiar. It had grown stronger the last time he remembered it. But when he realized who it was, he felt a surge of worry.

They have to get through the enemies as fast as they could.

A few moments later, he once again felt that familiar spirit pressure fading like the receding twilight. "Isshin, Yoruichi!" he shouted to his companions. "We must hurry!"

Yoruichi gave him a quick look that seemed to say she knew what he meant. She felt that same spirit pressure diminishing in strength.

Urahara hacked away in earnest. Isshin also sensed this urgency and fought vigorously as well. But it was no good, the hollows kept coming and multiplying.

"Yoruichi! You have to go without us! You have to go NOW! Isshin and I will cover your back," Urahara said.

"All right, Urahara, Isshin! Just don't get killed," she said as she flash stepped her way out of the crowd of hollows. She finally recognized that familiar spirit pressure and wished with all her heart that her heels had wings.

_-- _

_To be continued…_

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Additional Author's Note: I wanted Urahara and Yoruichi to get involved in this story somewhere because they were the ones who helped unlock Ichigo's spiritual powers in the Soul Society Arc. In a way, it was as if they knew that this would happen to Ichigo sooner or later. As for Isshin, he is a father, after all, and I could see him becoming more involved with his son's shinigami affairs now that he has become a shinigami once again.

Update on the next chapter: Well, I've been looking over some of Ichigo's fight scenes both in the manga and in the anime to give me some ideas on how to go about it so I won't go OOC too much. But the truth is, I've also been trying to stay away from this particular chapter, it was almost like I didn't want to continue on with it. It was difficult to write since I have to put myself in his shoes. It's mind-boggling. In fact, I've written the chapters that are supposed to follow that crucial one. But I guess, I can't keep running from it forever, especially if our fan lives are at stake, right? Hehe.


	4. Fear is the MindKiller

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is owned by Kubo-sensei. I'm also attributing a quote from Frank Herbert's "Dune" that I've used in this chapter.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Minna-san, sorry it took me a while to update. I've finally finished writing this particularly difficult chapter. I'm not good at writing fight scenes, so you may notice some redundant actions in here. I just wanted to finish this up, so we could all move on. Hehe. Hopefully, I did justice to Ichigo and not went OOC too much.

By the way, I got the title of this chapter from Frank Herbert's "Dune". I've been re-reading his stuff and I've found one quote from the book that served as the core of this chapter. It was so appropriate for the story that I included it in one of the dialogues. Again, thanks for the reviews and thanks for reading. Ja!

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**Fear is the Mind-Killer**

Ichigo saw her fall, blood spurting out of her chest where Zangetsu's blade made contact. He felt his heart crushing at the sight of her body becoming limp in mid air. He saw her eyes widen in shock as the pain bore through her as unknown tears were released in the midnight air.

'RUUUUKIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!'

He screamed, anger and despair rushing through his whole body. He felt as if he was going to go insane. His heart and mind refused to acknowledge what his eyes have seen. Rukia just laid there, motionless.

_'This can't be happening! This can't be happening! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'_

All the while, the hollow-Ichigo was laughing in the background and reveling in his agony. "Good. That's it. Hate, grief, despair, anger. The more you feel these things, the stronger I will become. HAHAHAHAHA!"

"YOU BASTARD, I WILL KILL YOU!" said Ichigo as he struggled to break loose of the hollow's black reirakus wrapped around him. He pulled and strained feeling his spirit strengthen. Soon, the reirakus snapped one by one, freeing him from its bonds.

He stood there, seemingly calm and collected with his head bowed. Everything around him was steaming, as if his spirit powers were boiling hot. He looked up with a dark face, his eyes bright with anger.

"YOU BASTARD! You will pay for what you did. I'm going to destroy you once and for all," he simply said with his voice tinge with hatred. And his surroundings were engulfed in flames. The hollow-Ichigo began to twitch violently, light shining out of its eyes like something wanted to come out. It tore at its mask, peeling it away from its face.

When the remaining mask was off, flames and light burst forth out its eyes and mouth. The real Ichigo came flying out of the flames and light, denting the ground he landed on with his sheer spiritual force.

He only had one intent in mind – to send this monster to HELL!

"Oi, partner, glad of you to join the party," his hollow self said to him sarcastically, slowly getting up on its feet.

Ichigo didn't reply. His eyes were still burning in anger. He didn't want to think of anything. He had only one goal and this was to defeat the abomination that came from within him.

"DAMN YOU!" he shouted as he rushed towards the hollow. It just jumped out of the way, amused by his outburst.

"My, my, what a tantrum you got there, partner," it said. "I wonder why?"

"You know why, you bastard!" Ichigo said, clenching his fists. "You've hurt my friends and you've hurt Rukia!" He closed his eyes to shut out the image of her falling lifelessly to the ground. It gave him a dull ache in his heart and he wanted to scream it out loud.

"Me? Oh yeah, always blame it on evil me," the hollow said, feigning innocence. "Why me when you were the one who had the sword in your hand…and the wounds that your friends inflicted."

Ichigo froze. He suddenly noticed the blood flowing out of the wounds he didn't know he had. He looked at his hands, there was Zangetsu tainted with the blood of his friends. He saw his own face reflected on the blade, but it wasn't his own but that of the familiar hollow mask he had.

He staggered at the revelation. _'Chad…Ishida…Inoue…Rukia…it can't be. It can't be,'_ he thought desperately. _'I…didn't do it…I didn't…'_

"Yes, you did. But don't worry about it, partner. Who needs them when you got me, right?" said the hollow, seeing through his self-doubt.

Ichigo's gripped on Zangetsu tightened. He shook his head to mentally get rid of despair. His deep wounds ached all over tremendously. "LIAR! YOU did this to them!"

He lunged at the hollow with Zangetsu. But it quickly stepped out of the way to escape the blade and started taunting him some more.

"Partner, we really need to work together you know," it said, eyes narrowing. "How else can you get stronger? I knew deep inside that you wanted that tremendous power that will make every human, shinigami or hollow alike, tremble under your feet."

"SHUT UP!" Ichigo slashed. Zangetsu's blade tore at the hollow's robe. It staggered at his attack. "Stop messing with my mind, you bastard! I will not let you win!"

Ichigo attacked again, this time hitting the hollow squarely on the stomach. It felt the pain and howled as it tumbled to the ground. He ran towards it to do his second attack, but Zangetsu met another sword in the air. The hollow was holding another Zangetsu with the color of deep blood.

"My, my, I thought we can talk things out," it said, swinging its sword at Ichigo. "But it looks like I won't be able to convince you with mere words."

The hollow attacked Ichigo's Zangetsu with full force that it threw Ichigo off to a wall of rocks. He groaned in pain.

"Do you like the new Zangetsu? It has tasted a lot of blood, you know, especially of that meddling little shinigami girl of yours!" The hollow said to him with an evil grin.

Upon hearing this, Ichigo lost all rhyme and reason. He charged headlong towards the hollow, swinging Zangetsu. And with every blow, the earth shook with his anger. "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELLL!" He could hear the hollow's laugh ringing in his ears. But he didn't care. He slashed at it relentlessly until he was out of breath. His body trembling with rage.

"Tsk, tsk, you know what your problem is, you are always so impulsive and reckless," said the hollow, pointing the blood-red Zangetsu at Ichigo. "Don't you realize by now that those are signs of weakness?"

The hollow started twirling its sword by the hilt wrap. The spinning blade gleamed in the moonlight. "Sometimes, partner, I think you are just so pathetic!" It threw the sword towards Ichigo.

Ichigo leaped out of the way, but the hollow recoiled the sword so fast, it slashed him on the back. Ichigo stumbled to the ground, he could feel his own blood drenching his robe.

"Now you see what I mean," it said, with its sword back on its hand. "You bother too much with these people that you allow your spirit force to soften up. If you're not careful, I might kill you."

The hollow suddenly launched its sword towards Ichigo again. But he swung Zangetsu to meet it. Blade upon blade clashed and the hollow's sword recoiled back.

"You are wrong! The people lying here are the same people who had given me their support and strength!" Ichigo said. He leaped in the air and brought Zangetsu down on the hollow with all his strength, the ground cracked.

"Oho, such sweet sentiment will get you nowhere!" said the hollow. It lowered its sword and rushed to Ichigo. The sword's blade came from the sky and bore down on Ichigo with lightning speed.

"Haven't you realized that if it wasn't for me you would have been long dead in Soul Society," it said to Ichigo calmly. With that, it slashed Ichigo's torso and sent him down on the dirt.

Ichigo staggered to his feet as his limbs throbbed from the pain of the attack. _'Damn it! It's as if this thing knows my every move,'_ he thought to himself. _'How is it possible?'_

He remembered meeting it face to face when he was on the verge of defeat against Kenpachi back in Soul Society. Old man Zangetsu had then let him fight this thing to gain his trust back and to give him another chance to win that fight. But he didn't know what it was or where it came from. He thought it was just an illusion, a trick Zangetsu had used to draw his real strength out.

Ichigo felt something cold clutched at the pit of his soul. It dawned upon him that this abomination was part of him, part of what he had become when he chose the path of being a shinigami. He realized that despite all his noble intentions and his quest to become stronger than all the shinigamis in Soul Society, he had bred this thing, even nurtured it at the back of his mind.

Now here it was, a manifestation of all his thirst for power. The abomination that hurt his friends, an enemy that would threaten his family and everyone in his world, the horrible thing that tainted his hands with Rukia's blood.

How could he let this happen? How did it go this far? Ichigo clenched his fists in anguish at the thought. His heart and mind were in deep turmoil. The horror of what he had done was too much to bear.

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Ichigo rushed towards his hollow-self with Zangetsu. He would cut this thing down and annihilate it. He would stop it now or die trying. "Even if my limbs get severed or my spirit powers get destoryed, I'll kill you, YOU BASTARD!"

"HAHAHAHA. Those are big words for such a pathetic fool," the hollow said as it blocked Ichigo's attacks. But Ichigo was determined to get the better of it, he kicked out high and hard, catching the hollow square in the breast bone. It stumbled to the ground.

But it quickly got to its feet and gave Ichigo a mocking laugh. "Now, now partner. You're not playing nice. Don't force me to hurt you too much, I might lose control and accidentally kill you. If that happens, who's gonna take care of your little sisters?"

"WHY YOU! Don't you come near them!" Ichigo lunged again, recklessly swinging Zangetsu at the hollow. His anger boiling hot and out of control. He bore down on the hollow's sword again and again, with the intent of breaking it in two. But his anger made him lose his guard.

Suddenly, the hollow swung at Ichigo with a closed fist that caught his jaw. It knocked him sideways and he almost fell. Then the hollow gave him a hard kick on the stomach, which sent him bouncing on the ground a few feet away. Blood came out of his mouth as he lay writhing in pain.

The hollow walked to Ichigo's supine body and kicked him again, viciously, on the ribs. He groaned and rolled away. It walked around him and gave him another sadistic kick. He spattered more blood on the ground.

The hollow bent down to look at Ichigo face to face. "Tsk, tsk, you just don't learn your lesson, partner," the hollow said. "Why don't you give up and accept the inevitable. You know that I'm gonna be the king of your world and this time, I won't let you win," it whispered mockingly. Ichigo swung at the hollow with Zangetsu but it quickly moved out of the way.

_'Baka mono, don't be so reckless in your attacks,'_ he heard at the back of his mind. It was Rukia during the time when he was just a new shinigami, subbing for her. He realized she was his first teacher, giving him her strength and wisdom to fight eventhough he didn't listen to her that much.

_'Ichigo, don't become emotional. Calm yourself,'_ he remembered her say again when he fought the Grand Fisher. He scanned the ground to see where his friends laid motionless. 'Sado, Inoue, Ishida, gomen!' Then not far away, he saw where Rukia was, her shinigami robe soaked with blood from her wounds. Ichigo bit his lower lip to stop the tears threatening to fall freely out of his eyes. The dull ache in his heart was throbbing incessantly.

_'Be calm, you said,'_ Ichigo thought. _'How can I be calm when that thing did this to you, to all of you? I shall never forgive myself for not being able to protect you when you needed me the most. But I swear to you I will stop this evil even if it cost me my life!'_ He clenched his fists and got up on his feet with the help of Zangetsu.

"Yeah, you're the king alright. THE KING OF ANNOYING BASTARDS, that is!" Ichigo smirked. "BANKAI!"

"Oho, this fight is beginning to get interesting," the hollow said with an evil grin. "Don't you know? What your Zangetsu can do, this sword can do as well." The hollow's blood red Zangetsu also changed into its Bankai form. "Now, it's decided. I'll have to kill you."

"Not if I kill you first!" shouted Ichigo and leaped in the air, his spirit power giving him renewed strength. He finally understood what Rukia said. He had let his anger dull his blade and his guilt affect his focus. This evil thing was feeding on him, devouring his anger, hate, grief and despair. Unknowingly, he was letting it take over his soul without a fight.

Lightning flashed and the ground shook when the two blades came in contact. The two opponents came face to face once again.

"You're about to see how determined I am to kill you," Ichigo said, his face grim and his eyes blazing.

"It really doesn't matter," the hollow retorted back. "Because your power will soon be mine!"

Ichigo sliced the hollow's arm and shoulder. It howled and bled black blood as it backed out of Ichigo's way. "What's the matter, partner? Are you losing your cool?" This time, it was Ichigo's turn to taunt and mock.

"SHUT UP!" shouted the hollow and threw its sword towards Ichigo. Ichigo dodged it but the recoiling blade caught his leg. He wavered from the pain but remained standing. "I'm done playing around," it said, its eyes glowing red with evil.

"Baka, who said we're playing around?" shot back Ichigo. "Only one of us will win this fight and I'll make sure it's not you. I'm going to make you pay for what you did to my friends and destroy you once and for all."

"I'd like to see you try," replied the hollow, poised for its final attack.

The two swords began to throb, calling each other to the fight. Their bloodlust was echoing in the air around them while the earth cracked underneath.

Ichigo readied himself. His hands held onto Zangetsu firmly and steadily. _'Cast off your fear, look forward. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die.' _The words of old man Zangetsu echoed in his mind.

He knew that this fight was not about winning or becoming stronger nor was it about pride. But it was about who he is and who he wanted to be. And he knew in his heart, in his mind and in his soul, that he didn't want to be the abomination that was in front of him now. He was just too afraid to face it.

_'My enemy is myself,' _he thought, finally accepting the truth that he had been denying deep inside._ 'Now, I will face my fear and I will let it pass through me. And when it has gone past I will turn to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.'_

With these words, he charged at his hollow-self with Zangetsu unwavering in his hands. The two opponents seemingly slashed at the invisible air around them, while dust clouds flew in every direction.

When everything settled down and the clouds cleared, both Ichigo and the hollow were standing opposite each other, their backs turned and their swords were still up in the air.

Ichigo was surprised by the sudden pain on his chest. He coughed blood and went down on his knees. _'I guess, I was wrong," _he thought as he let his bloodied body fall to the ground. _'Minna-san, I'm sorry. I failed to stop him and avenge all of you.'_

"How pathetic!" said the hollow, with a mocking smile. It turned to face Ichigo but its glowing red eyes opened wide with horror. It suddenly realized that its body was sliced in half. "No…no…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The hollow's body disintegrated and its mask broke into pieces until it turned to harmless dust. The cold wind blew it into oblivion. And then, there was only the stillness of the night.

Ichigo slowly opened his eyes and only saw blackness. He had a sinking feeling that he was nearing the end. _'Please not yet. I want to see her one last time,'_ he said to himself. He willed his body to move, even though every limb shouted for relief. He crawled to where Rukia laid. He wanted to run and gather her in his arms but he had lost his strength and will to live. He just wanted to be near her once more.

He was expecting her to run to him to see if he was all right, to scold him for being stubborn and for not listening to her, or even insult him for being stupid and reckless. But there was only silence - just unbearable silence all around him.

When he reached her, he saw the wounds inflicted by his own sword on her small body. Her face was bloodied and bruised. Zangetsu's cut ran across her chest up to her neck. It was so painful for him to see all that.

"Rukia…" he managed to whisper as hot tears fell down his face. He couldn't hold them in much longer. His pride, his image, they all didn't matter to him now. One of the people he cared about and loved was no more.

His despair was beyond relief. It was as if that dull ache had crushed his heart completely. _'Why is it I couldn't tell the people I care about how much I love them? It is only when they are gone that I despair about the wasted time not saying anything,'_ he thought sadly.

"BAKA MONO! Didn't I tell you to run? Didn't you know you were no match for him? You always tell me to run when the opponent seemed stronger than I am. Why didn't you follow your own advice this time? Huh! DAMN IT! Don't just lie there. Answer me! Answer me!" he shouted with all his might.

He was panting from his outburst and coughed a lot of blood. His vision was becoming blurry. He looked at Rukia's face and kissed her gently. "Gomen ne, Rukia. I didn't want you to…to…" he stopped.

He couldn't bring himself to say the word, as if leaving it unsaid would change what happened to her. "I...I didn't want to lose you again. When the rain stopped, I've realized how much I care about you," he whispered. "But now it's too late. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you sooner that I love you. I'm so sorry."

His breathing was getting shallow and it was hard to keep himself awake. His body was getting heavy and he felt so tired. He laid down beside Rukia and held her hand. "Don't worry, I'll be with you soon…please wait for me," he finally said and closed his eyes.

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Additional Author's Note: 

Um, should I follow this up with another chapter or should I leave it as it is now? Kindly tell me what you guys think. I'm undecided as to how I should go about it. I just don't like sad stories, especially IchiRuki sad stories. Sniff, sniff! And the manga is not helping me ease that pain. Darn it!


	5. Redux

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is owned by Kubo Tite. I know you know that already…Hehe. But I guess it pays to repeat it once in a while to ward of imaginary lawsuits. Nah, I'm just paranoid.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Minna-san! As you can see I've decided to continue with the story I started. I just couldn't bring myself to leave things like that, sort of like loose ends that needed to be tied. This one's a long read because I kinda got carried away. If I were to read this chapter out loud, you'd think I was rambling on and on. Hehe. But I hope you'll find it enjoyable. There are no spoilers, by the way.

Darth Grievous – I've brought Ichigo back…He's alliiivvee…mwahaha. Thanks for the review. Now as for Rukia coming back with orange hair…hmmm…that's a wicked idea! Woot!

Sinmay – Thanks for regularly reviewing every new chapter. I'm inspired to do better because of your help. Keep em coming.

Outsane – Thanks for patiently waiting for updates. Here's a new one. I guess, I simply refuse to let the IchiRuki coupling meet a tragic end. Now if only Kubo sensei would bring her back in the manga soon. Huhu!

Fairskye – Where's my cookie? Where's my cookie? Me like a chocolate chip cookie please! Hehe.

Hontou arigatou, minna!

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**Redux**

Ichigo felt the cold envelop his entire body. It felt like he was being blown by an icy wind. But blown where, he didn't know or care. If this was how it felt to die, he welcomed it without a fight. He just didn't want to fight anymore.

He slowly opened his eyes even though he knew he would only see darkness. But he was buoyed by a peacefulness he couldn't name, and it gave him courage. The fear was past him. There was only acceptance.

His vision met an unexpected view. He saw stars – millions, or perhaps billions of them, shining against the expanse of black. He had never seen them this close before, each one an arm's length away.

He shielded his eyes with his hand for the stars had begun to shine brilliantly. Was he moving towards them or were they coming down to meet him? Before he could decide on the answer, the bright light suddenly flooded his dark surroundings. He could feel it was engulfing him in its wake. And it felt good.

He found himself standing in a very bright room as if white endlessly emanated from all its corners. The intense glare hurt his eyes. He wondered if this was the shinigamis' final destination when they die. He saw an opening on the white wall and walked towards it.

The outside was of different hue reminiscent of the vibrant, living world. It was breathtaking. He allowed his eyes to roam as he marveled at the thought that this might be what people call, paradise.

Then, he saw her. Black hair and sundress flapping with the breeze, she was waving her straw hat at him.

"Oi, Ichigo," she shouted, as bright lights danced around her.

"Rukia?" he whispered more to himself, not sure if his eyes were deceiving him. But his doubt was momentary. Deep inside, he felt an inexplicable joy at seeing that familiar face. The one he had gotten used to in such a short time.

"Rukia!" he shouted back, this time his voice was confident like a man finding affirmation of his beliefs. He jumped out of the white room and into a world of many hues. The ground felt warm and comforting under his feet. And he ran as fast as he could towards her. He didn't know why, though, but he felt a strong need to. There was a lingering fear at the back of his mind that she might fade away like the stars.

His eyes didn't leave her and she met his gaze with bright eyes and a wide smile. When he let a smile escape from his lips, he could no longer deny the happiness he was feeling at this moment. It was like all the tears and heartaches had been erased, the guilt and sadness all melted away.

When he reached her at last, he stood dangerously close to her. He took in every detail of her – her black hair, her blue violet eyes, her lips, the curve of her neck, her scent – and he was thankful that her wounds were no more.

She looked up at him, her eyes full of understanding. "You did it," she said simply, her voice soft like a whisper in the unseen wind.

"Yeah," he replied, feeling a little awkward that this was the only thing he could say to the person he had been longing to see, longing to gather in his arms and weep in sheer relief. The gods have kept her safe, he thought in gratitude. He gave her a boyish grin.

"I'm glad," she said with a smile as she hugged him tightly.

He was taken aback just a little for he was thinking of hugging her first and telling her how happy he was to see her. But words were failing him now. So he did the only thing he could to show her – he hugged her back with arms filled with love and caring.

The world around them seemed to dance in celebration. It changed hues, while showers of flower petals fell from the unknown sky. A hundred multicolored butterflies flitted from out of nowhere, fluttering their wings on the fragrant breeze.

They stood there in each other's embrace with unspoken love flowing through them. He wished to the gods it would never end. That they could stay like that forever, just enjoying the comfortable silence.

"You need to go back now," she whispered, as she gently let go of him. Her smile seemed sad as she stood back. She lightly touched his lips with her fingertips, while she mouthed words he couldn't hear.

And before he could protest, everything went pitch black. He tried to reach out and grab her, but she was no longer there. He called out her name in despair. _'No I refuse to lose you again,'_ he thought desperately. But the silent darkness had captured him once more. And bore him away.

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Ichigo woke up with a start.

"Welcome back to the world of the living," he heard someone said from one corner of the dark room. He squinted. He was having a hard time focusing his vision. He cursed silently to himself. He had closed his eyes for far too long. He immediately reached for the sword on his back but only found empty air. He felt particularly vulnerable with his strength diminished. Reluctantly, he readied himself to fight.

Urahara and Isshin emerged from the shadows. The sandal hat man had a wide grin on his face while Isshin looked uncharacteristically grim like he had lost a lot of sleep. "Yo!" he said to his son, giving him a thumbs-up sign to change his countenance.

Still dazed and confused, Ichigo gave them a blank look. He was still trying to determine if this was another nightmare or just a figment of his dying imagination. He could understand Urahara's presence for he knew that sandal hat was a former member of Soul Society. He had probably come to escort his soul to hell. But what was his father doing there? He searched for the answer and found none. He absently put the back of his hand on his forehead. His head hurt terribly.

"We thought we had lost you," Isshin's concerned voice broke the long silence. He had the look of fatherly concern on his face. But his eyes revealed his old self with a triumphant glint as if saying, 'No son of mine would lose to a hollow.' His once grim face slowly faded to show both relief and pride.

"I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry all of you," he stammered, looking down in shame. He suddenly remembered Sado, Ishida and Inoue. But just when he was about to open his mouth to ask about them, Urahara cut him short as if sandal hat had read his mind.

"Inoue, Ishida and Sado are out of danger now. It took a while for them to recover but they are already up and about," he said rather cheerfully to dissipate the tense atmosphere. "In fact, they are back to their normal lives three days ago."

"I see," Ichigo said, his voice tinge with relief. But something pricked at his heart, which he refused to acknowledge.

"As for you, you had been fatally wounded and healing you took a while," Urahara continued. "You've been unconscious for seven days."

_'Seven days?_' he thought, as he suddenly felt weary again. _'Has it been that long since that terrible night?'_

The familiar dull ache in his heart came back all of sudden and he struggled to find the courage. He wanted to ask about Rukia, even though he didn't want to hear. He didn't want to know what happened to her. That dull pain was too hard to bear. And it was made even more painful by the fact that he was there alive. He began to tremble.

But reality dawned upon him like he was abruptly doused with icy water. And as much as he wanted to deny everything, he just couldn't escape. He felt his anger rose to a boiling point. He should've died with her.

"Why? Why did you have to save me? Why did you have to interfere with my fate? I should be dead!" He lashed out to no one in particular. His rage was brimming and out of control.

"I should've…I should've died with her…" he wailed, burying his face in his hands. He hated himself for being the one who always survived, the one who was always saved.

Isshin made an attempt to touch his son's shoulder but changed his mind. He knew Ichigo would not be consoled by a sympathetic pat on the back. For in his heart, he knew only too well that kind of grief would last a long time. And as a father, he wished he could take that pain away. But all he could do was to be there for him and to give him strength.

"BAKA MONO!" he rebuked as he grabbed Ichigo by his shirt. "Do you think being dead would change what happened? Is that how you want to repay her sacrifice for you? Huh!"

"Yes it would make a difference," Ichigo shouted back, remembering Rukia's face in his dream and felt the futility of his denial slap him squarely on the face. "Then…," he said, his voice turning into a pained whisper. "Then…I would be with her." He closed his eyes, wishing this reality would go away. But it was too late. He was alive and he knew he would never see her again.

"Fool!" his father said, but Urahara stopped him from saying anything anymore.

The former shinigami looked at Ichigo with sympathy. His face seemed pained by the boy's suffering. He was again wracked with guilt for he knew he was partly to blame for what happened to them from the beginning. If he hadn't did what he did, then there would be no grief or despair to suffer from.

But he couldn't escape the reality of it all. He had to take responsibility for his actions and do the best he could to ease the pain of every one he had brought into his cause. He would use all the power he could muster to help them even though neither redemption nor forgiveness was in sight. _'It is the least I could do,'_ he thought.

"Well now, if you stop being immature about the whole thing. I might be kind enough to tell you that she is here," Urahara intoned, his eyes peering out of his hat. He then walked towards the door.

"Here?" Ichigo cried hoarsely. "You mean, Rukia is here?" He tried to get up and run after Urahara. But he fell, rather miserably, for his legs were still weak. "Wait, Urahara-san…I just want to know if Rukia is really here? Please tell me."

Urahara just eyed him and walked out the door without another word. "Wait, please!" Ichigo shouted as he struggled to crawl after him. Suddenly, a pair of strong hands lifted him to his feet. It was Isshin's.

"Oyaji…" he said apologetically as his father helped him to stand steadily. He never knew his father this way. It was as if he was a totally different person from what he knew in his 15 years of life. Just the same, he would be forever grateful for his father's silent support and strength now.

"I won't be much of a father if I let you crawl around Urahara's house like that," Isshin said, hooking Ichigo's arm on his shoulders. "Besides this is not the time to assume the fetal position, we need to go after that sandal hat man, right?"

Ichigo smiled tentatively, 'He hasn't changed after all.' They walked out the door together, Ichigo leaning heavily on his father for support. He could barely walk straight.

"Oyaji…" he said as he looked straight ahead.

"Huh?" Isshin grunted in reply.

"Thank you," Ichigo said.

Isshin resisted the urge to smother his son in a tight embrace. All those sleepless nights worrying and his helplessness at the thought of losing another loved one to a hollow had been washed away by that one word. His son had survived a painful ordeal and he was thankful. _'I've raised a son you could be proud of, Masaki,'_ he thought.

"Hah! Once you've recovered completely, I'll give you a good kick in the face. See if you can dodge that," he smirked, glancing at Ichigo. He saw his son eyed him curiously as if he wanted to ask a lot of questions.

"I could sense there are a lot of things you want to know," Isshin said in a serious tone. "But there would be plenty of time for that."

Ichigo nodded. He saw Urahara turned a corner and he urged his legs to hurry. When they reached it, Urahara was standing by the sliding door waiting for them.

"It's about time you two catch up," he said with a knowing smile. He opened the door for them.

The room was dark just like Ichigo's, but there was an open window where light was coming through. It shone on a futon where a heavily bandaged figure lay.

"Rukia!" Ichigo cried out on reflex, while a wave of relief washed over him. He wanted to run to her side and weep. He could see she was barely alive.

"She hasn't regained consciousness yet," said Urahara gravely, the sound of his voice revealing the seriousness of her condition.

Ichigo let go of his father's shoulders and staggered towards her. He could barely hear her breathing. Her face was thin and pale. Her neck, arm, torso, and chest were all bandaged. A thin line of blood ran across her bandaged chest and neck.

"She took a lot of heavy blows and lost a lot of blood. When we came, we thought she was gone. It was devastating," Urahara said softly, his voice quivering at the recollection.

"But good thing Yoruichi-san was there in time to heal her," he continued changing into a cheerful voice. "I'm sure you know from experience that she's a very good healer, Ichigo."

Ichigo only nodded. His mind was already clouded by his deep concern for her. "Is she going to be alright?"

Urahara was at a lost for words. He glanced at Isshin for help but the father only shrugged his shoulders resignedly. He was never a person who can put things mildly in words either. Urahara sighed quietly.

"It's a little complicated to heal a shinigami's body. Unlike a human Konpaku that has a physical vessel in the living world, a shinigami is a spiritual being. So the healing process takes a lot of time…especially…" Urahara paused, debating to himself whether or not it would be wise to give Ichigo the truth. But he quickly thought that he owed him a lot of truths. "Especially for a shinigami who had just recently regained her spirit powers."

Urahara braced for Ichigo's anger. If he lashed out with his fist, Urahara resolved not to dodge but receive it completely. If Ichigo shouted that it was all his fault, he would accept it meekly. _'I deserved every bit of it,'_ he said to himself.

But no violent reactions came. Ichigo just nodded in understanding as he kneeled beside the futon. He didn't take his eyes off Rukia. A lump in his throat was preventing him to say anything. He looked at her small frame and held back tears.

He didn't know what he should feel. His relief at seeing her alive was now replaced by dread that she could die anytime from the very wounds he had inflicted on her. If that happened, he would never forgive himself.

"Oyaji…Urahara-san…If you don't mind. I want to be alone with her for a while," he finally said without looking at the two men. He had to calm the turmoil in his heart and somehow being with her now brought him peace.

The two men glanced at each other, neither one said a word. They quietly left the room and closed the door behind them.

Ichigo stared at Rukia's pale face for a long time. He held her bandaged hand gently and felt how fragile she really was. The shinigami who often greeted him with a fist or a kick every time they argued now laid on the futon, her life hanging on the balance.

"Look at you, you're a mess. I told you not take unnecessary risks," he chided her softly. "And that applies even though you have your shinigami powers back."

She always had a proud air about her, he thought. He remembered how angry she was when he kicked her the first time they met. She even got angrier when he called her a little snot. _'I have lived ten of your lives!'_ she said.

"But sometimes you really act like a brat, you know," he said to her, matter-of-factly. A distant memory of pain shot through him as he remembered Rukia's fist on his stomach. He knew immediately how she would retaliate with that one. He smirked inspite of himself.

He gently brushed a wayward hair away from her forehead. "You're stubborn, too," he added for good measure. But if it weren't for her stubbornness and pride, he wouldn't be there now. And he knew he owed his life to her again.

She didn't leave during his darkest hour even though staying to fight an opponent stronger than her meant putting her own life on the line. It was the second time she did that for him, he thought. The first was when she stood in the way of a hollow's jaw aimed at him. If it hadn't been for her faith in him that night, he would have lost his fight against his hollow-self. She came just as his spirit was gradually succumbing to the hollow's power. At that time, he felt her true strength. It helped him face his greatest fear.

But he admitted that it was foolish of her to risk her life like that. She had, after all, been given a second chance in Soul Society. He respected her decision to stay back, though it made him sad within. That was where she belonged, he told himself over and over again. She was alive, that was what mattered.

Now it was his turn to lend her his strength and support. But he felt so helpless for he wasn't familiar with this kind of fight. If it was fighting hollows he could easily lend her his physical strength and Zangetsu. He might even get rid of the hollow himself. All he needed to do was cut and win.

But Rukia's battle was different. It was something he couldn't grasp or see, though its threat was real like a hollow's presence. He struggled to come to terms with his own helplessness, closing his eyes to shun self-doubts. Finally, he came to a definite conclusion – he would have to believe in her strength and spirit like she did with him. And wait.

"Rukia," he whispered, holding her bandaged hand to his cheek. "I know you can pull through this. You're strong, stronger than I am, really. I want you to know I have faith in you. I won't leave you. Do you hear me? I'll be right here."

It was the first time in years since Ichigo prayed long and hard. But pray, he did.

_-- _

_To be continued…_


	6. Torasuto

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is owned by Kubo Tite. At long last, he had brought Rukia back. Let's all do the dance of joy! Hehe.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Minna-san, I'm sorry if it took me a loooonggg time to update this fanfic. Writer's block and school had gotten in the way. Grrr! But mostly it was the writer's block. But it only took Chapter 195 of the manga for me to get back into the groove again. Talk about major inspiration. :)

Thank you to the following reviewers: Soten, Ringo Onohara, Incandescent One. And of course, my special thanks to the people who made this fanfic one of their favorites. I'm deeply honored, I'll try my best to write good chapters. Mochi ice cream for everyone! Hope you enjoy reading this one. Ja!

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**Torasuto**

Kuchiki Byakuya shouldn't feel uneasy. After all, he was the kind of person who could mask emotions and tuck them away in the deep recesses of his soul. He was unfathomable and he liked it that way.

But little did he know, his eyes betrayed what he truly felt inside. For every time he remembered distant memories, those seemingly unmoving black orbs become clouded with longing and pain. For every time he thought of the people he should protect, a hint of softness passes through them giving his usual stoic face a faraway look.

_'Rukia,_' he involuntarily thought, looking up at the blue sky of Sereitei like he was waiting for an invisible door to open. But he shut his eyes as if he knew they had conspired against him.

He shouldn't feel uneasy, he said to himself.

It had been a week since Rukia left for the living world. He remembered he had objected to it harshly. The very idea that she wanted to go back to the place that brought her only sadness and betrayal repulsed him. Why couldn't she just forget that world and be content where she belonged? She had her life back.

But he knew she wouldn't be deterred. Her eyes held the look of earnest determination and utter defiance that he had never seen before in his adopted sister. Yes, she had dared defy him for the first time in years.

Yet despite his anger and anxiety that day, he couldn't help but feel relieved and thankful at the same time. Relieved at seeing his sister bounce back from the horrible ordeal she had been through not too long ago. Thankful that the spark of life had re-ignited within her, showing her will to live once more.

Six months had passed since that event. He recalled how painful the first few weeks for her were like. He knew how she struggled to bring herself back to normal despite the lost of her shinigami powers, her imprisonment and death sentence, Aizen's evil revelation and the separation from the ryokas who saved her.

_'For her, the latter was probably the most difficult to deal with,'_ he thought. He had sensed that she had grown fond of the ryokas, especially the one with the orange hair.

He remembered how she had stood calmly as they walked out the door that led to their world and smiled like she didn't have any regrets. But she was the last to leave even after the door had completely disappeared. She stood there, transfixed by the memory of her friends leaving, and he wondered if she really wanted to stay behind.

During the days after that, she immersed herself doing simple duties around the Kuchiki household. He could see she had been trying very hard to be busy and cheerful around him but he could feel her strained effort and seeming hopelessness. He became terribly worried, though he didn't show it.

But as weeks went by, his worries eased as he saw her resilience and tenacity shine through the gloom and helplessness. He believed these traits had made her strong to survive the things that had happened to her. So slowly but surely, she picked up the shards of her existence and began to piece them together. Her countenance changed and he knew she was ready to move on.

One day, he saw her practicing with a wooden sword, her face grim with determination. She slashed and cut the air with such enthusiasm but he could sense that her spirit powers were still weak. She was panting from her effort and was barely able to keep the wooden sword in her hands. She slumped on the floor in frustration, her head bowed low.

"Rukia," he said, gently.

"Nii-sama," she replied, her voice clearly startled at hearing her brother's voice. She quickly stood up to acknowledge his presence, while trying to hide the wooden sword behind her back. "I…I didn't know you were there."

"I see, you have been training hard," he said, eyeing the wooden sword Rukia was trying desperately to keep away from his view.

Rukia just nodded, half-expecting her brother to scold her and tell her that it was a waste of time, that she should just give up and become a fine Kuchiki noble woman instead. But she shook the thought away from her mind. This was her brother, the one who told the truth about her life, and the one who took on Ichimaru Gin's blade to protect her. The most cold, emotionless person she knew was now the caring brother she had always wanted. There was no doubt in her mind that he would say no such things to discourage her.

"I wanted to keep my strength up…" Rukia said. "So that when my powers come back, I would be able to use it."

Byakuya just nodded, his eyes softening at the thought of his sister's inner strength. He wanted to say more but feared that he might end up saying something that would dash her hopes to pieces. Despite her stoic façade, he knew his little sister could be as fragile as delicate china.

"I've been summoned to a captain's meeting," he said instead, trying not to sound pompous or arrogant.

Rukia nodded in understanding, averting her eyes to avoid her brother's gaze. She didn't want him to notice the longing on her face, the same longing to get back to her duties as a shinigami. She had been wanting to for a long time but she knew only too well that she couldn't. She was still weak. But this didn't stop her from feeling ashamed at being only a burden now to the Kuchiki family.

But Byakuya didn't need to see. He felt it, felt that helplessness hanging onto his sister's every word and every action. He turned to go, not wanting her to see his worried look. He wanted to say something that would reassure her and give her back her self-worth but he couldn't find the right words.

And if he had the right words, he was still afraid that his delivery would only make matters worse. Indeed, decades of his cold image would not be melted in one day. So he, too, needed to take things one step at a time. But he stopped by the door and said, "Don't push yourself too hard."

"I won't, Nii-sama," Rukia said, smiling at her brother's receding figure. '_Thank you for showing me strength,'_ she thought and resumed her training.

At that time, he knew she was going to be all right and that gave him peace of mind. So he made a point to watch her progress as she trained harder each day. It was quite reassuring for him to feel that her spirit powers were gradually coming back. Maybe it was time for him to step in.

It was during one of those wooden sword trainings that he found her on her knees, clutching the ground in frustration. Beads of sweat trickling down her tired face and her eyes were tightly shut. The wooden sword was a few feet away from her.

"What am I doing? I'm just kidding myself," Rukia said in a broken voice. "No matter how hard I train, I could feel no change in me. I can't even keep a wooden sword in my hand. It's no use. I'm never going to be a shinigami again. How can I protect the people I care about?"

Tears of anguish began to fall from her closed eyes. She didn't want to cry because it would mean that her heart had defeated her body; that everything was beyond her control. She dug her fingers deeper into the earth as if willing her tears to stop but they continue to fall uncontrollably along with all the sadness, anger and despair she kept within her for so long.

It was the first time he saw her so vulnerable and it was breaking his heart. He had never seen her cry, not once. Even when he told her about her execution, or when she came face-to-face with death at the Shrine of Penitence, she didn't shed a single tear. Instead of begging for mercy or weeping in fear, she accepted death without objections.

But now, that ordeal had taken its toll on her and everything came crashing back even though she tried hard to keep it together. He wanted so much to reach out to her and tell her everything was going to be fine, that her family would not think less of her, that he would be there to protect her.

From that day on, Byakuya resolved to not let his sister be this way again. He would lend her his strength as best he could. He would help her get back on her own feet. He walked towards Rukia with an extra sword in his hand.

"The power to believe in yourself will become your power to change fate," he said looking ahead. "So if you feel responsible, if you feel you must protect someone dear to you, then you must not give up and gain strength yourself."

"Nii-sama…" said Rukia, looking up at her brother. All her fear and self-doubt seemed to have been washed away by her tears.

"Here, take this," he said, handing her the extra sword. "It's your Zanpaku-tou."

Rukia's eyes widened at the sight of her soul cutter. She had almost forgotten what it looked like. She gingerly took the sword from her brother and cradled it on her lap with utmost care. She wondered if it would recognize her useless hands.

"But Nii-sama, I can't…" she said, almost too afraid to admit what she had made herself believe.

"Rukia!" Byakuya said sharply. "Didn't I just tell you to continue believing in yourself, to continue gaining strength? If you wish to become helpless for all eternity then I won't stop you."

Rukia bowed her head low to acknowledge her brother's wisdom. This time, she held her Zanpaku-tou with steady hands. Her resolve would not be broken again.

"Prepare yourself. We shall train with your Zanpaku-tou tomorrow," Byakuya said, after noticing her changed countenance and this lifted his heart.

Months wore on and he supervised Rukia's training. He could see she had grown skillful in handling her soul cutter and in honing her fighting techniques. But there was something else. He sensed her spirit powers had come back.

Rukia sensed it, too. She had doubled her efforts and practiced her kidou as well. And there were nights he watched her as she trained relentlessly until she was to the point of exhaustion. Deep inside, he couldn't help but feel the welling of pride for his sister's perseverance.

But relief weighed more in his mind. Aizen's parting words before he escaped reeked of hatred and revenge towards Soul Society. It would only be a matter of time before he made true of his promise. So the shinigami divisions had been on high alert ever since.

He willed his mind to think of better scenarios but he couldn't escape the inevitable. War would be at hand and all life would hang on the balance. If that was the case, he didn't want Rukia to be helpless in such a battle.

Right now, Gotei 13 needed all the shinigamis it could muster and he knew that Rukia would be reinstated back to her division sooner or later to fight in this war. If he couldn't be by her side to protect her, he would then give her a fighting chance to survive Aizen's onslaught. This he vowed on the grave of her sister and his beloved wife, Hisana.

Days had gone by quickly. But the atmosphere at the divisions and the whole Soul Society continued to become tense and urgent that his duties as captain had kept him away from the Kuchiki household most of the time. He was also unable to regularly supervise Rukia's training.

So the next time he saw his sister was the very day she had chosen to defy him.

"NO," he said, his voice authoritative and final as his eyes fell hard on Rukia's determined face.

"But Nii-sama," she protested imploringly.

He turned to go, he didn't want to hear any of it lest his anger burst uncontrollably. He just didn't want to say things that would hurt her.

"Nii-sama, please…" Rukia said, her tone pleading.

Byakuya paused but still didn't face her. The tension between them hung in the air.

Seeing that she got her brother's attention, Rukia voiced her intent. "I...I must go back there. I have to do something…anything to...to help Ichigo."

He closed his eyes when she mentioned the ryoka's name. It was like he was warding off a headache that didn't want to go away. Had he made a mistake of training his sister all this time only to lead her to this path? He remained motionless.

Rukia felt her brother's familiar coldness. It was as if he had become an impenetrable wall once again. '_How could I make him understand this unexplainable fear I have for Ichigo's life?_' she thought desperately.

The deep foreboding she had wouldn't ease. She must go now or else, it would all be too late. "Please, Nii-sama. I beg you. His life might be in danger, if I don't come to his aid he'll…"

"Rukia!" Byakuya said sharply, not turning to look at his sister. "Are you going to runaway from your responsibilities?"

"No, nii-sama," Rukia replied.

"We are preparing to go to war and you'll soon be back to your post in the 13th division. Yet here you are being blinded by your personal indebtedness," he said in an even tone. "Tell me, which is more important to you?"

"I'm not turning my back on Soul Society," Rukia explained desperately. "You, of all people, should know that I have been waiting to go back and become a shinigami again. But this is something that I need to do and I will not turn away from it. Not now, when something in me…something so urgent is telling me that his life is at stake."

"Do you even know for sure if the boy's life is in danger?" he asked, aiming to discourage her from this foolishness.

Rukia stood silent. She was relying only on her feelings, after all.

"I see. Allowing your emotions to guide you to where you are going is like leading yourself to slaughter. Stop this foolishness now. You are to report to Ukitake Taichou tomorrow." He had had enough and started walking away.

Rukia balled her fists. She must go no matter what it takes, even if it meant defying her brother's wishes.

"Nii-sama!" she shouted after him. "I'm not asking for your permission. I'm going whether you allow it or not," her determined voice echoed through his ears. Somehow, he wasn't surprised. This was the new Rukia who had risen from the ashes, confident and strong.

Byakuya turned to face her, his eyes showing no emotions at all. He looked at her, his face stoic and expressionless.

"I owe Ichigo my life. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here," she said, meeting his intense gaze with her stubborn eyes. "You said if I want to protect someone I need to believe in myself. Deep inside I know he is in danger. I can't explain it but this urgent fear is growing inside me. How could I stand idly by when I know I can help him? He had done the same for me even if I wasn't worthy."

Byakuya walked slowly towards her. He was trying hard to control his anger. But he could plainly see that she couldn't be stopped; that she was determined to go at all cost. He knew there was only one way to resolve this.

"Then you would have to defeat me," he said, coldly.

"Nii-sama?" Rukia replied in disbelief. How could her own brother challenge her to a fight when he knew the big difference between the levels of their strength? _'It's no use. He will surely win against me_," she thought in anguish. '_I can't possibly beat him.'_

Byakuya walked to the big courtyard. This was one lesson he didn't want to give her. '_It can't be helped. She would need to learn it sooner or later,'_ he thought.

Rukia trembled at her brother's spirit powers. She clutched the hilt of her soul cutter, her mind momentarily debating whether to fight or to retreat. _'No, I won't runaway,_" she resolved, taking out her sword swiftly. '_I have to go forward and win._'

"Come," said Byakuya, his eyes cold and expressionless once again. He unsheathed Senbonzakura.

"Gomen nasai, Nii-sama, but I will not hold back," Rukia said to him, as she rushed towards him with sword in hand. "I will not lose here."

Byakuya simply stepped out of the way. But Rukia's leg went flying and connected to his chest. He absorbed the force of the blow but was pushed back a few feet away.

Rukia attacked in all directions but her brother dodged them easily. Sweat openly poured down her face. She moved to strike again but her brother lashed out his left arm towards her head and she fell to the ground.

_'Why can't I land a substantial blow on him,_' she panted as searing pain flared up the side of her head. '_Was my first blow just because of luck or is he playing with me until I get exhausted?'_

These thoughts ran over and over in Rukia's mind as she attacked again. Their blades clashed. Rukia re-doubled the speed of her offense but Byakuya was faster. He flash stepped behind Rukia.

"Too slow," he said and swung the hilt of his sword hard on her shoulder. The force of the blow sent her sliding a few feet away. She winced in pain, her left shoulder throbbing from the blow.

A flash of worry gleamed across Byakuya's eyes as he saw Rukia rolled on the ground. He didn't mean to hurt her. He had no intention of being harsh in this fight. But this was not the time to be lenient, he reminded himself, because in the coming war, the enemy won't be.

Rukia struggled to her feet and held onto her sword tighter to keep her mind away from the pain_. 'I will not give up,'_ she said to herself, her breath coming out in gasps.

Wishing not to aggravate her injury further, Byakuya lowered his sword and turned to go.

"Wait! Nii-sama!" Rukia shouted at the top of her lungs, her anger and frustration tethering over the edge. "I am not done yet! I told you I will not lose here! KISEICHOU! KAKERU!"

This was the first time he heard Rukia call her sword's name and summon its shikai. His usually expressionless eyes gave off a tinge of wonder and pride at how much his sister had regained strength.

He was still in awe when he saw her let go of her sword and let it fly towards him with enormous speed and accuracy. He blocked it with his Zanpako-tou as he remained standing perfectly still. Yet, he failed to notice the recoiling blade and it grazed his robe and broke through his skin.

Rukia was taken aback. She didn't think her anger and frustration would course through her sword and wound her brother. "Nii-sama!" She shouted, worried and repentant. Her recoiled sword was back to its original form.

Byakuya stayed motionless as if he was thinking of so many things all at once. Rukia had managed to wound him, he said to himself. '_She had showed me her resolve and grazed my arm_.' He looked at the blood dripping down his sleeve. It was nothing but a simple wound yet it showed the strength of her determination.

"Why are you doing this, Rukia?" he asked, looking at her with eyes that were no longer cold but only expressed brotherly concern.

"Because…he is someone I want to protect," she said, her face reflecting the same steely resolve that her blade had showed him.

He turned so she couldn't see the small smile of understanding that overshadowed his stoic face. "Very well. Do as you wish," he said and started to walk away when Rukia's voice came close behind him. He stopped to listen.

"Thank you, Nii-sama. I give you my word that I will come back," she said, her voice confident and reassuring. "You just have to trust me."

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Abarai Renji's arrival tugged him back to reality. "Kuchiki Taichou, it has been a week without so much as a word from Rukia. What do you think we should do?"

He didn't look at his vice-captain. He didn't want to see the same reflection of worry on his face. His eyes stared back at the blue sky of Sereitei as he struggled for words to appease Renji's concern. But none surfaced.

"We just have to wait," he finally said, careful not to put any emotion in his voice.

"But taichou!" Renji protested.

He gave his vice-captain a look that said his word was final and that he would not hear anymore of it.

Renji was miffed. It was like his taichou to be so heartless, even to his own sister. He walked out without a word.

_'I shouldn't feel uneasy,'_ Byakuya thought. _'I trust her.'_

_---- _

_ To be continued...  
_


	7. In the Shadow of Death

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is Kubo Tite's work. I'm just here for the food. Hehe.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: _Sashiburi desu, minna_. Erm, long time, no see I mean or is it long time no write/read? 'sheepish grin' Here's the next installment of the story that seemed to be getting bigger in my imagination each time I get back to it. I know I don't want it to become a sappy soap opera or noontime drama, but I'm beginning to think I'm beating a dead horse (sorry for the cruel imagery). Somebody help! If you think this story is getting sappier and too dramatic, please tell me so I could end our misery quickly and painlessly. Promise?

Again, a huge gratitude is in order for the people who read, reviewed and made this whole story their favorite. My thanks to new reviewers: aznpuffyhair, seal-chan, AnimeObssessionFantasy, and ProjectVORTEX. Yes, ProjectVORTEX you've noticed one of my bad writing habits – run on words and sentences! Well now, you'll see them once again along with dangling modifiers, misplaced punctuation marks and excessive use of adverbs. May the God of Writers, my grammar teacher and my ESL instructor forgive me for my crimes. 'hangs head in shame' Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this one. Ja!

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**In the Shadow of Death**

"_Ne, are you all right with letting him go like that?"_

_She nodded slowly. "I guess...it is for the best."_

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He must have fallen asleep. It was already dark outside when he looked out the window. His gaze turned to the figure that lay beside him. She hadn't stirred. He gently put her bandaged hand down and staggered out the room.

He paused by the doorway and looked back abruptly, fearful that everything might disappear like a bad dream. But the scene didn't changed and she was still there on the futon, unmoving. He sighed in relief, closing the door silently behind him.

Nobody seemed to be around, Ichigo thought as he scanned the hallway of Urahara's house. _'Where is everybody?'_

He felt hungry, it had been days since he ate something and wondered where he could get some food. He limped down the hallway when he heard lively voices from a lighted room at the end of the hall.

"Sumimasen," he said rather sheepishly when he chanced upon sandal hat and his staff having dinner together in the room.

"Ichigo, you came just in time for dinner. I thought you're going to stay in Kuchiki-san's room permanently," Urahara said, adding mischievously, "People might get the wrong idea about the two of you, you know."

"Shut up!" he said hotly as he sat down to join them. "I…I just wanted to be with her…" He trailed off when he noticed everyone eyed him with great interest_. 'You brainless buffoon! Once again, you've successfully put yourself on the spot. Remind me to kick you later,'_ he scolded himself.

"Ah look at what we have here – FOOD! Itadakimasu!" he said eagerly, reaching for a bowl of rice and vegetable like they were mankind's greatest invention. He didn't want to give anyone a chance to ask anything about what he just said so he quickly stuffed his mouth with food.

"Tenchou, is it alright for Kurosaki-dono to eat rapidly like that considering he had just recovered from his wounds?" Tessai whispered to his manager, rather apprehensively.

"Hai, Tessai. He probably shouldn't stuff his face too much that fast but it's all right. It's a good sign that he's getting better, ne?" Urahara whispered back under his fan, quite amused and relieved at the same time. He was happy to see the temporary shinigami alive and well once again.

Jinta narrowed his eyes at Ichigo and asked rather casually, "Hey, do you like Kuchiki-san?"

Ichigo almost choked on his food, but he decided to ignore the weird boy's question and continued eating. He began to ask Ururu for another helping, trying to avoid Jinta's pointed gaze.

"Well?" Jinta said, his voice demanding and persistent.

"I'm sorry. Did you say something?" Ichigo asked, feigning ignorance as he placed another helping of food in his bowl.

"You have no right to ignore me just because I'm a kid, you know," Jinta shouted at him, irritated and frustrated at the same time.

"Huh?" Ichigo asked as he busily stuffed more food in his mouth.

Jinta let out an exasperated growl. "Um, Jinta-kun, you should let Kurosaki-san eat his food in peace," said Ururu diplomatically.

Realizing that he wouldn't get an answer from Ichigo, Jinta sulked and turned his attention to his food, thinking of getting a second helping but his chopsticks picked up air instead. "Waahhh! He ate all the food already," he complained.

"Well, that's what you get for prying into other people's lives, baka!" Ichigo said triumphantly.

"Why you, gluttonous pig!" Jinta shouted, ready to pounce on Ichigo had Tessai not held on to his shirt.

"Come on, we need to make sure the shop is cleaned and closed properly," as he pulled the struggling boy with him.

"Let go, Tessai, let go! Just let me at that orange-haired freak and I'll make sure he'll lie down from his new injuries for another week or two," Jinta screamed, as they, along with Ururu, politely walked out of the room.

Ichigo stuck out his tongue at the retreating boy for good measure and heard a growl from the hallway. "Plucky little critter, ain't he?"

"Hai, hai," Urahara smiled slyly. "Well, if you keep eating so much like this, I would have to send Isshin a bill."

"Che. Give me a break, I hadn't eaten for seven days!" Ichigo retorted, confirming his belief that sandal hat's generosity had other monetary motives.

"Oh right. Don't worry, I'm sure Isshin and I can arrange something," Urahara fanning himself contentedly. "By the way, do you have any retail experience?"

"What the HELL are you talking about!" Ichigo shouted, his face contorted and confused.

"Calm down, Kurosaki-san. I'm just kidding. You know me, I'm a man full of surprises," Urahara said, trying hard to keep his voice from sounding too amused to avoid agitating Ichigo further.

"You got that right," Ichigo muttered under his breath. He intended those words to come out as a sarcastic remark but his voice sounded accusatory and full of meaning. He shot a quick glance at Urahara and momentarily saw a glint of sadness and guilt in the eyes that were constantly hidden under the hat. He looked away pretending to study a traditional scroll hanging on the wall.

Urahara closed his eyes as if he was feeling a great need to meditate on a deep thought. The awkward silence was stifling.

Ichigo decided to speak first. "Hey, Urahara-san," he began slowly. "Is Rukia…is she still in critical condition?"

The former shinigami opened his eyes and looked away. He didn't want to talk about it. The seriousness of the situation made him uneasy, especially after sensing Ichigo's concern.

The boy was already beating himself up for what happened, he wouldn't want to add more salt to that wound. But then again, he couldn't bring himself to provide Ichigo with sweet words to coat the ugly truth. So he nodded.

"A Zanpaku-tou's blade can be a shinigami's protector or a deadly enemy," he said. "While it is true that its wielder exerts his influence to control it, it is still a dangerous weapon that could cleave a soul in two when one's power is just too great to handle."

Ichigo flinched painfully when he recalled the feel of Zangetsu's blade cutting his friends down. He knew it wasn't him; that he didn't do it intentionally but he felt the horrible bloodlust coursed from that blade nonetheless.

"As you've seen, Kuchiki-san had taken bigger and deeper cuts than her small body could handle," Urahara continued, wanting so badly not to sound pessimistic.

But it was too late. He immediately saw the effect of his words on Ichigo. He saw the scowl deepen and the eyes burned with guilt as if the boy wanted to break down from the anguish and sorrow he caused.

"Don't worry, you were able to stop any more damage," he lightly changed his tone. "Had Zangetsu's blade gone an inch deeper into the source of her spirit energy and power, it would have been more fatal for her."

Ichigo didn't seem to hear what Urahara said. He was too wrapped up trying to remember the events of that night. He glowered long and hard at the hands on his lap, the very same hands that wielded the soul cutter that hurt Rukia and the others. He closed them abruptly, wishing they had the ability to forget.

"Hey now, don't give me that long face, Ichigo," Urahara said, this time his playful voice tried to punctuate his serious tone. "What matters most is that your friends are all alive and you were able to overcome the hollow inside you."

"Gomen, Urahara-san," Ichigo said, coming out of his horrifying reverie. "As much as I want to be thankful, I couldn't bear the thought that Rukia is still…that she might…"

"Rid yourself of that thought! Your feeling of hopelessness will not help her at all!" Urahara rebuked harshly. "At this moment, she's at a crossroad, seemingly undecided about her destination. The only way to reach her now is to believe in her strength."

Ichigo sighed as if a heavy burden was lifted off his shoulders. Urahara was right. He shouldn't dwell on negative thoughts. 'Rukia will be fine,' he said to himself with renewed hope. 'I won't give up on her.'

He heaved himself up, grateful that his legs were less wobbly and made his way to the door slowly. "Hey Urahara-san," he said, not turning to the former shinigami captain. "Thank you for saving Rukia, the others and me."

"Don't worry about it," Urahara said under his fan, his playful voice back in full force. "I'll send you all a bill."

"Hmph! Typical," Ichigo smirked without turning his back and walked out the door. "Ja! I'll be in Rukia's room." He raised his hand to wave sandal hat good night.

A small smile etched upon Urahara's face as he watched the receding figure of the boy being engulfed by the darkness of the hallway.

------------------------------------

The next day, Ichigo felt better and more himself. His wounds were completely closed. He could firmly stand on his feet and walk without limping. It was decided that he should go back to his house, to his family and friends and live the normal life of a teenager who had just recovered from a sports injury.

But as much as he had missed his sisters, he couldn't help but feel reluctant to go back to 'normal' living. Somehow, he still had this fear gnawing inside him that something might happen to Rukia during his absence. If it were up to him really, he would stay by her bedside everyday. But both Yoruich-san and Urahara-san wouldn't hear of it.

"Baka mono! What use will you have here?" The black cat's eyes looked at him extremely annoyed. "You don't even know how to heal."

Ichigo didn't answer back. He felt she wouldn't understand anyway and so he continued to ignore her.

"Do you want Rukia to wake up, seeing that very glum face of yours?" Yoruichi persisted. "Look at you. You've been wearing that same pathetic face every time you sit by her bedside. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't want to wake up. Not with that mug of yours exuding negativity all the time," she said rather acidly. "Your normal face looked scary enough!"

Ichigo couldn't contain his anger any longer. She had gone too far with that remark. "However the hell my face looks is none of your business. I really don't give a damn what you think," he shouted at her. "I just want to be with her…because if it wasn't for me, she wouldn't be in this goddamn situation in the first place!"

"And do you think by not going back to your normal life would ease the pain of your guilt?" Yoruichi bluntly said, hitting Ichigo where it hurts. "Temporary or not, you are still a shinigami with duties to fulfill." Her cold eyes stared at him unwavering and grim. They reflected the harsh truth of her every word and he looked away in shame.

"Yoruichi-san," Urahara admonished. "You're being too hard on him."

"Quiet Kisuke! He needs to hear what I have to say so that his thick head would understand the meaning of being a true shinigami," she said, her voice trembling with controlled anger. "You badly wanted us to blame you so that you could justify your guilt and wallow in despair forever, isn't that right?"

Ichigo didn't answer. Her words stung his heart so bad he couldn't find the words to say anything.

"Well, you're a fool if you think we're going to give you the easy way out…that you could just runaway from the truth of what happened that night," she said.

"I know the truth and I will live with it everyday of my life," he replied, his voice sounded broken and defeated. "But I couldn't continue being a shinigami as if nothing this serious happened. I just couldn't bear the thought that I'm going about my normal life while Rukia is here hanging on for her own."

"Rukia is a shinigami and don't you ever forget that!" Yoruichi reminded him roughly. "She knew from the start that she would probably not survive her battle with your hollow self but she took the risk nonetheless, just to save you. She was prepared to die, like any true shinigami on a dangerous mission, so that she can help you out of your darkness."

"But I don't want her to die, damn it," Ichigo said helplessly. "She doesn't deserve this. Not from me."

"Then remain strong, face and accept the truth, and move on...for her sake," Yoruichi finally said, her tone was no longer cold. She could sense Ichigo's pain and understood only too well that it was the kind that leaves no scar yet lingers for a lifetime.

They both remained silent as if each one was preoccupied with his or her thoughts. Urahara decided to break their awkward silence. "Well, you could always visit her here after school."

But Ichigo looked crestfallen. Urahara let out a deep sigh and put a hand on Ichigo's shoulder.

"You know, Kuchiki-san has held onto so much guilt for a long time – a guilt she kept running away from. But during her short stay here in the living world, she had realized the true value of friendship, loyalty, forgiveness and love," he explained, looking at Ichigo's surprised face. "You may not know it, but she had learned to forgive herself because of you. So I'm sure she would want you to do the same for yourself."

Ichigo closed his eyes to let Urahara's words wash over the turmoil in his heart. He realized that in order for him to ask forgiveness from the people he had hurt, he would have to forgive himself first. Just like Rukia did.

"I guess, I'll be heading home. I have school tomorrow," he said, giving both Yoruichi and Urahara a small smile. He made his way toward Rukia's room to bid her a temporary goodbye.

Deep inside, he shuddered at the thought of their separation, a feeling alien to him since they have been separated for a long time before. But that was different. When they parted in Soul Society, he was relieved to see her safe even though the sadness stretched between them. He knew with certainty that she would be all right; that there was always the possibility he would see her again.

Now, he was uncertain of her fate. Her pale face and heavily bandaged body gave him an anxiety he couldn't begin to describe. What if she chose not to stay and decided to leave him behind? He couldn't bear the thought that he wouldn't be there to stop her or bring her back.

He struggled to push these thoughts away. His fear was unfounded, he chided himself, because Urahara-san and Yoruichi-san would be here to watch over her. He took her hand in his, gently rubbing his thumb on her bandaged skin.

"Hey Rukia, I'll be going back home today. Yuzu and Karin are probably worried sick about me. You know how they get when they don't see me for a long time," he said, suddenly feeling awkward that he was able to talk to her this way. "Kon would probably complain that I've neglected him or something. He always says he misses you badly. Anyway, it would just be during the day, I'd visit you after school. Um, probably after my homework is done. Okay?"

He moved his face near hers as if committing every features of her face to memory. "Rukia, promise me you won't go to a place where I can't reach you, where I can't bring you back," Ichigo whispered to her ear, fervently hoping she could hear him. "Please…please come back and stay with me."

He lightly kissed her forehead and got up to leave.

-------------------------------------------

It was only yesterday when he left Urahara's house. But it seemed like he was waiting for eternity to end. He was back to school and every one was acting the same as usual, even Inoue, Ishida and Sado have adjusted to normal life rather quickly. He wished he had their adaptability. He really could use some of it right now.

As soon as he got home, he sought them out and apologized to them for the injuries he had caused. They assured him that they were fine and were glad that he had survived his hollow's ordeal. Soon, he found himself reassuring them back and saying that he was the same old Ichigo they knew.

But he didn't tell them the entire truth. He wasn't the same old Ichigo they knew. He had changed, that he was certain of. For better or for worst, he really couldn't tell. Perhaps Rukia could tell the difference. She was always good at reading him.

He also sensed that his friends tried to avoid asking him about her_. ' It must be the pained look I have'_, he thought. But he was thankful because he wouldn't know what to say. In any case, they could get news from sandal hat on how she was doing. Right now, he needed to focus on being his old self who was struggling to live a 'normal' life.

At lunchtime, he was up on the rooftop of the school's building before anyone else even got there. He was looking out the horizon as formless clouds went by, recalling the events that led him down the path to being a shinigami and wondering if it was all worth it. Random images of his family, friends and Rukia suddenly crowded his mind and he knew that he should be thankful instead of feeling a deep-seated regret.

"Um, Kurosaki-kun…" said a voice breaking into his reverie. He turned and saw Inoue's familiar smiling face. "Ah, Inoue-san…"

"Aren't you going to lunch?" she asked, the look of concern evident on her face.

"Um, I'm not that hungry," he said, forcing a smile to appease her worry. He absentmindedly returned to looking out the horizon.

Inoue made as if she wanted to say more or put a hand on his shoulder, but she thought against it. She already knew she wouldn't be able to console Ichigo's sadness. His heart and mind were just too far away to reach at the moment. So she mustered the courage to sound cheerful instead.

"Ah well, if you need me, Sado-kun or Ishida-kun, we are always here for you. Okay?" she said meaningfully and turned to leave.

"Inoue-san," called out Ichigo, turning to face her.

"Hai?" She said readily, looking at him with bright eyes.

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

Inoue simply smiled and walked away. She looked back at her brooding friend. _'I hope Kuchiki-san gets better soon. Kurosaki-kun seemed lost without her.'_

He was left alone again on the rooftop, thinking how time ran so slow sometimes. He would go visit Rukia at Urahara's tonight. He closed his eyes to welcome a wayward breeze, the thought lifted his heart a little.

Meanwhile, Keigo and Mizuiro wondered at their friend's strange demeanor. They were dying to ask Ichigo a lot of questions about his sporting accident but they couldn't bring themselves to approach him. He had been distant and silent ever since he got back to school.

"I really wonder what's with Ichigo these days," Keigo said to Mizuiro as they watched him from the far side of the rooftop. "He's been awfully quiet and unapproachable lately. Heck, I couldn't even joke around with him or invite him to come over here to join us for lunch."

Mizuiro nodded. "It is as if he had a dark cloud following him around. Hey Sado-kun, do you know what's eating Ichigo?"

Sado just shrugged and remained silent.

"Maybe he just needs some cheering up. Come on, let's give him a good 'Bohaha!' I'm sure he'll have to react to that no matter how zombie-like he is nowadays," Keigo said maniacally as he stood up to go to Ichigo.

Mizuiro shook his head at his friend's recklessness but he stood up just the same to accompany him. Seeing Keigo get punched hard on the face by Ichigo was always priceless, he thought.

But before both of them could move, Sado raised an arm to block their way.

"What's the matter, Sado-kun?" Keigo asked, looking genuinely puzzled at his behavior.

"Can you guys do me a favor?" Sado said, without moving his arm away. "Would you leave Kurosaki-kun alone for a couple of days?"

"But why, Sado-kun?" Mizuiro said, wanting to find out the reason behind their tall friend's favor. "Did something life-threatening happened to him?"

"Yah, did he have amnesia when he got in that sports accident? Did he forget about all his friends? Did he lose his manhood?" Keigo asked in rapid fire even though he knew that Sado would never provide the long answers.

And he was right, Sado simply said, "Please, just do this one thing for me."

Hearing the seriousness in Sado's voice made them nod in agreement. They promised him that they wouldn't bother Ichigo for a while despite the puzzled look on their faces.

The bell rang and they walked toward the stairwell, leaving Sado behind to get Ichigo.

"Hmm…what happened to Ichigo seemed pretty serious. Sado-kun even asked us to lay-off him for a while," Keigo said. "But I don't remember any sports he played that was that dangerous. Heck, I don't think he even played any sports at all. So what gives? This is beginning to be suspicous. There must a conspiracy here we don't know about!"

"Now calm down, Asano-kun," Mizuiro said, trying to assuage his friend's overreaction. "It might be that Ichigo just needed a little more time to recover from the shock of his accident or something. Plus, if Sado-kun requested it, imagine what he'll do to us if we try to bug Ichigo again."

"Nyah, he'll probably pulverize us," Keigo said, his spine tingling at the painful thought. "You're right. I should calm down. We should just let Ichigo come to us when he's ready to socialize again with his friends."

Mizuiro just smiled his approval. However, he stole a backward glance at Ichigo before going down the stairs and saw only sadness and anxiety radiate from his friend's face_. 'He looks like he has been worrying about someone dear to him,_' he thought nonchalantly.

_-- _

_To be continued…_


	8. Choice

DISCLAIMER: Bleach is owned by Kubo-sensei.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Minna-san, my apologies for taking so long to update. School has been hectic and this particular chapter was quite a handful. I didn't know how to go about writing a shinigami afterlife so I hit the books to do some research. There were a lot of interesting myths and philosophies out there for material – ah, the possibilities for AUs and OOCs. It was hard to focus…Hehe. Anyway, here's my attempt. I hope you find this chapter an interesting read. The original is quite long so I edited it down. It's still long though. 'sigh' Sowee. But I hope you enjoy it.

Again, thank you to the people who reviewed and read. I really appreciate all your comments and inputs. They inspire me to become a better fanfiction writer every time. Ja!

* * *

**Choice**

_"Now which shall be the least way,"  
Said I: "to gain my goal?"  
And so I took the East way,  
With freedom in my soul._

_- From a poem by Robert William Service _

Rukia looked out the horizon thoughtfully. Her sundress billowing in the wind, her hair cavorting with the breeze, but her eyes were transfixed straight ahead. She seemed oblivious to her surroundings. She shifted her gaze as if trying to locate something just beyond the bright sky.

"Ne, are you all right with letting him go like that?" A bright black and red hell moth fluttered close to her side. She nodded slowly. "I guess...it is for the best."

"He did it, Kiseichou," she said full of relief and silent gratitude. "I was so afraid I wouldn't make it in time…that he would be gone forever." Her voice seemed distant now as she recalled the past event in her mind. "But when it was finally over, I saw him without the malice. He was the same man I kept in my heart. He had prevailed and that made me happy."

"And it's because of you," Kiseichou said, this time settling on her shoulder.

"Iie. When I saw his Zanpako-tou during the time I transferred my shinigami powers to him, I knew that he is powerful. He had proven this time and time again," she explained with a hint of pride in her voice. "I'm weak compared to him…all I could really do was to support him."

A scene played out in Rukia's head - Ichigo standing on the execution tower in Soul Society, the very same one he destroyed when he saved her, his eyes bright and a smile spread across his face.

_From his presence and his voice, I can feel Ichigo's power flowing into me. You've become strong, Ichigo._

"Haven't you learned anything in your long life," her avatar chided softly. "True strength is not just measured by one's sword or spirit powers. A truly strong person is one who is strong in his heart, the heart which desires to protect something or someone dear to him. You were able to do that, you know."

She closed her eyes to feel the comforting breeze. It looked as if she was weighing the right words without showing regret. "Ah…I just wish I could have done more," she finally said after a moment's silence.

"You've done more than enough," the hell moth said consolingly.

"Thank you, Kiseichou," she softly replied. The event seemed far away now and the physical pain only a memory. She felt comforted when she realized that her work was done and it was time to move on.

_'Move on,'_ she pondered while the words echoed in her thoughts. "Ne Kiseichou, a shinigami's fate is full of ironic choices, isn't it?"

Her avatar didn't say a word but its gossamer wings touched her cheek lightly. Rukia closed her eyes in understanding. She knew she was on a crossroad that only she can tread.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ichigo kept glancing at the clock. He knitted his eyebrows at the textbook in front of him, trying hard to concentrate on finishing his homework.

"Oi Ichigo! You're gonna take me with you to see Nee-san tonight!" Kon demanded, pointing a stuffed finger at his face.

He paid no heed to the plushie and continued writing on his notebook. He would have to deal with him later, he told himself. But right now, he just wanted to get his schoolwork done.

"Ignoring me won't work. I won't let you leave me behind this time!" Kon persisted.

Ichigo didn't answer back, mentally drowning out Kon's voice in several equations and rules of grammar.

"Pretending you're deaf will not work on me either!" This time Kon shouted in his ear.

He gave the raging stuffed mod soul a quick punch that sent it flying across the room. Kon landed with a thud. "How am I gonna finish my homework if you keep yapping at me?" Ichigo said between clenched teeth, obviously annoyed.

"Itai! Itai!" complained Kon. "Just because I'm a stuffed toy doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I haven't seen nee-san for so long. I just miss her," he cried. "When she comes back, I'll tell her that you have been mistreating me. Waaaah, Rukia nee-san, Rukia nee-san!"

Ichigo let out a sigh and closed his notebook. The way Kon called her name reminded him so much of the way he had called out to his mother during those nights when he couldn't sleep or had nightmares. It wrenched at his heart. "Will you stop being a cry baby?" he said, this time his tone was only mildly irritated.

"I...want to see…Rukia-neesan," Kon said between sobs.

"I'll take you next time, Kon. Rukia is still…" he stopped himself abruptly. He had no wish to sound pessimistic and so he weighed his words carefully. "She still needs her rest."

He quickly stood up and got out of his room before Kon could say another word of protest. It was getting late and he wanted to get to Urahara's soon. He made his way downstairs, thankful that he hadn't encountered his siblings.

_'They're probably in their room already,'_ he thought, gingerly stepping on the floorboards. He got to the bottom of the stairs without any interuptions. The living room was flooded in darkness with only one lamp lighting a corner. He reached for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" a voice in a dark corner asked him.

Ichigo jumped in surprise and spun around quickly. He saw his father sitting on the edge of the room.

"Oyaji," he said quietly. "I'm going to Urahara's…"

"No need to explain, son. I know where you're going," Isshin said smugly.

"THEN WHY THE HELL …" Ichigo screamed at him on instinct but toned down his voice, realizing that he might wake up his sisters. "Are you lurking around here in the dark like some kind of bogeyman?"

Isshin just gave him a fatherly smile. "No need to get all worked up, son. I know how it feels to be young and in love."

He was about to retort a nasty reply but realized it would only be a waste of time. Besides, it was getting late, Urahara might not open the door for him. If that happened, he'd blame his old man or better yet he would drag him there and have him plead with sandal hat himself.

He sighed and turned around to open the door. "I'm going," he said in an even tone.

"Ichigo, don't worry too much," his father said. "It will all be alright."

He just nodded. "Oyaji, if there's a hollow…"

"I'll back you up. You know, I will," his father finished his sentence for him as if Isshin knew what he wanted to say. "Now get going. Rukia-chan's waiting for you."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was in a tranquil place, that she knew, but everything seemed a blur to her. Her gaze shifted as if trying to locate a place just beyond the bright sky. A place she remembered fondly. She let out a small sigh, fixed a wayward hair out of her face and turned around.

_'I guess, this is the best way to start,'_ she thought, walking in the direction that her feet had chosen. Her avatar fluttered companionably beside her.

"Kiseichou, what is this place?" she asked, squinting her eyes to see her surroundings clearly. The place was dotted with high mountains that stand sentinel over one of the most beautiful scenic belts in the afterlife, while vast forests stretched as far as the eye could see. But Rukia could only make out their shapes, their vividness and beauty lost in a blanket of thin fog.

"A prelude to a soul's journey," Kiseichou said. "It is a higher plane of existence where undecided souls retreat to in order to find the answer at the crossroad."

"Is this what shinigamis go through when they are nearing their…end?" she said, feeling unsure if she should have used the word 'death.' But it seemed ironic to be talking about it that way. She was the bringer of death in the living world, after all.

"For you, it is," the hell moth replied. "Are you afraid?"

"Iie," she said truthfully. "I've lived a good life."

"Then come, your journey to find the answer has just begun," her avatar said, leading the way.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Urahara had a worried look on his face as Yoruichi tended Rukia's wounds. He knew Rukia hadn't shown any improvement since they brought her from that incident with Ichigo's hollow self and he didn't like it.

"Her wounds are healing very slowly," Yoruichi observed as she placed new bandages on the deep gashes on Rukia's chest and arm. Beads of sweat were running down Yoruichi's face, a clear testament that she had been hard at work, focusing her spirit powers to heal.

"I know," Urahara said, his voice troubled. "We may have to put her in a gigai to help with the healing. It seemed her injuries are weakening her reiatsu to the point that her spiritual body can't maintain its form in the living world."

"If that happens, we would have to bring her back to Soul Society immediately," Yoruichi said, also voicing her concern. She didn't like the idea of going to Soul Society but if the situation called for it, she would go back with Ichigo in tow.

They both looked at Rukia, the shinigami who went above and beyond her duty twice, still lying unconscious on the futon. They didn't want to admit it but they were afraid to see that her existence was slipping away like sand in an hourglass.

A soft knock on the door took them away from their thoughts and they quickly changed their countenance.

Urahara gave Yoruichi an encouraging smile as if telling her to play along with him. He pulled his hat down to his eyes and opened the door.

"Ah, Kurosaki-san. You came," he said with flair. "Come in, come in. We had just finished Kuchiki-san's healing session. And visiting hours have started."

Ichigo felt awkward about the unwanted attention. He had hoped nobody would be around to notice his arrival, except maybe Tessai, who was gracious enough to open the front door of the shop for him. He gave sandal hat and Yoruichi a simple nod as greeting.

But his eyes went straight to the figure lying on the futon. He felt relieved to see her again, though he had secretly hoped that she would be awake by now. He chided himself for being impatient. "How is she, Urahara-san?" he managed to ask.

"She hasn't regain consciousness yet," Urahara said without hesitation. He knew he was stating the obvious to Ichigo. It was better that way. He wasn't ready to tell him what he and Yoruichi were worried about. He looked to Yoruichi for support.

"We just have to wait patiently, Ichigo," she said, making a final check on the bandages she did on Rukia's wounds. She smiled at him reassuringly and stood up to take her leave. "Well, I guess I'll go ahead. I'm tired. So good night, you two."

"Hai, Yoruichi-san. Thank you for your hard work," Urahara said cheerfully.

"Kisuke, you better leave Ichigo alone with Rukia now. This is his visiting hours, you know," she jokingly said as she closed the door behind her. Ichigo rolled his eyes. He didn't expect that from Yoruichi. He sat by Rukia's side and started unpacking his backpack.

Urahara eyed him curiously. "Oho, I didn't know you read this stuff?" he said over Ichigo's shoulder, quickly reaching for the horror manga he brought.

"Hey!" Ichigo said with a start. "Give that back!" He tried in vain to get the manga off Urahara's hands, but Urahara had one foot on the side of his face.

""I know about it my sister. It's all hidden in that box, isn't it? The box that mother gave you!"" read Urahara, obviously enjoying himself at Ichigo's expense. "Wow, this is good stuff. Can I borrow it?"

Ichigo was now on his feet and deftly grabbed the manga from Urahara hands. "NO! I brought this for Rukia!"

"How selfish," Urahara looked at him, feigning hurt feelings, but his face quickly understood. "I see, you're going to read that to her."

"Well, yeah," Ichigo sat down, suddenly feeling uncomfortable that sandal hat had guessed his intention correctly. "She used to read this to learn how to talk like a human in this world. But I think that's just a front. She's always a sucker for this kind of stuff."

He remembered Rukia reading the very same manga. At that time, he had accidentally startled her when he came up from behind to ask her what he should do next after finishing a shinigami training. She almost toppled over from fright. He tried hard not to laugh then, but he had to admit it was such a hilarious sight. '_Rukia huddled in a heap of terror over a manga. Now that was priceless,'_ he thought, clearly amused.

A small smile graced his face at the memory as he held the manga reverently in his hands like a long, lost treasure. "That was when she lost her powers and got stuck here in the living world," he said quietly as he looked at Rukia. "I remember it clearly like it was yesterday."

Urahara saw a softness in Ichigo's face that the temporary shinigami rarely showed. He decided it was time to go. He stretched out and yawned outrageously. "I guess I should be heading to bed. It's hard to keep up with young people like you when one is getting old." He walked out the door. "Now, don't scare yourself too much with that manga, Ichigo," he winked mischievously.

"Yeah, right!" Ichigo scowled at him. 'Me? Scared by this stuff?' he muttered under his breath. He gave a quick glance over his shoulder and shivered. "This is dumb," he said to himself again as he opened the manga's pages. "But I'm doing it just for you, Rukia."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She was walking.

For how long, she didn't know and didn't care. Time didn't seem to exist in the place she was in. Everything around her was still blurry but she could see that the different shapes in her surrounding kept changing with her every stride.

She looked up the sky, the only place she could see clearly, and saw that it was dark as midnight except for a single star blazing high above to light her way. She could hear no sound other than the steady flutter of Kiseichou's wings, and this made her feel more alone and isolated.

'I'm not afraid. I'm not in pain. I feel no sorrow,' she said to herself as if coming to terms with her loneliness. These words and the feelings of isolation were familiar to her. She had faced them before. So now, she would accept them freely.

A gust of cold wind tugged at her clothes and she instinctively hugged herself for warmth. She willed her eyes ahead to keep track of Kiseichou, her vision finally becoming accustomed to the veiled environment. Up ahead, her avatar's bright red wings fluttered like a flame in the dark.

It took a while for her to notice the real flames of a bonfire by the side of the path. She thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. But as she moved closer, she could feel the inviting warmth of the yellow and orange flame as well as hear the crackling of wood underneath it.

She picked up her pace and came a few feet from where the bonfire was. The light being emitted by the fire didn't help to illuminate her surroundings but she could make out a figure huddled close to it, tending the fire.

"Kiseichou?" she said rather timidly, unsure of where her avatar went.

The figure stood up and faced her. She couldn't make out the face because the smoke from the burning wood was obscuring her view. Deep inside, she felt a need to come nearer and meet the person before her – to see the hidden face. But she stood frozen in mid step.

"Rukia," a woman's voice said softly amid the din of crackling wood. It triggered in her a long lost memory of a past she didn't even know about. It rooted her to the spot where she stood. Her body didn't move even though something in her urged her to run towards the figure.

"Rukia, you look cold," the woman said, the voice tinge with concern. "Come close where the fire is warm."

She wanted to answer back but no words came. It was as if she was entranced by that familiar voice but try as she might, she couldn't remember whom it belonged to. She didn't move an inch because she was so scared of what she might find.

As if sensing her hesitation, the figure walked towards her. The smoke parted to reveal a woman wearing a lovely kimono with pink cherry blossoms. Rukia didn't blink afraid that if she did the figure would vanish and leave her without another word. So she waited as the woman's face came into view.

She didn't know who this woman was but her heart was telling her otherwise. When the woman came close enough, Rukia found herself looking at an older version of her face like a perfect reflection in a mirror.

The woman, her other self, looked at her like she knew who she was. Her eyes were misty with tears as she raised a trembling hand to gently touch Rukia's face. "It is really you," she said softly, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around Rukia and whispered, "I thought I would never see you again."

In her embrace, Rukia felt that she was being enveloped by a love she was unconsciously longing for in all the years she had lived in Rukongai and in Soul Society. Her whole body trembled and recognition finally dawned upon her. "Nee-sama," she whispered, finding the word that eluded her for so long. "Nee-sama!" she cried out, sobbing as if she was a child again and calling out for the sister she thought she never had.

They remained that way for a while, giving comfort to one another, filling the void, closing the gap and finally, finding the bond that was once there. In her sister's presence, Rukia could sense her isolation and loneliness fading away. She had never felt more secure in her entire life, her soul finding peace at last.

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Ichigo was on the last pages of the horror manga he was reading to Rukia. Every once in a while, he would look at her to see if his reading had any effect on her at all. He would sigh and continue reading out loud, changing intonation where appropriate.

When he looked up from the manga to check on Rukia again, he was surprised to see she was fading away. But it was more like her corporeal body was becoming transparent. He blinked and Rukia was normal again.

"That's it. I think I've been reading too much of this stuff in one day," he closed the manga and put it away. "Sorry, Rukia. I'll read some more next time." He held her bandaged hand to assure himself that his eyes were just seeing things.

Suddenly he felt a gathering of strong spirit pressure. 'Hollows,' he thought as he stood up to get out of the room. But his forehead came in contact with the tip of Urahara's cane and his shinigami soul separated from his physical body.

"Hey! Watch where you point that thing, you almost poke my eye out!" Ichigo shouted at the former shinigami.

"Kurosaki-san, I believe this is not the time to complain," said Urahara, his usual playful demeanor was replaced by a serious face. "The enemies are on the prowl."

Ichigo nodded in understanding. "Urahara-san, please take care of Rukia. I'll be right back," he said as he ran out to hunt the hollows.

"Don't worry, I will," he said, his expression turning into worry when he looked at Rukia. His eyes widened when he saw her spiritual form faded then went back to normal after a few seconds. His fear was becoming real. He knew he had to act fast.

He reached for Rukia's hand, "Forgive me, Kuchiki-san. Once again, I would have to do something without your consent."

_To be continued…_

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AA/N: This chapter is a bit on the emo side again. I hope you guys didn't get too confused about the changing perspectives. I've tried to approach it the traditional way, but it felt forced and overreaching. So I took the risk and did the overlapping points-of-view thing for the story. It's kinda like watching a tennis match, without straining your neck. Hehe. Anyway, kindly tell me if it works or not. Thanks again.

Another Author's Note: Okay, I just have to include this comment because I'm so effing HAPPY about Chapter 201 of the manga. It can't effing wait! Um, does the word "effing" exist at all? Well, nevermind. (Close your eyes if you don't want to get spoiled!) Rukia's soul cutter/slayer's name has been revealed and she even showed its Shikai form! SHANNAROOOO! 'chokes on a couple of chocolate Pocky sticks' Now eventhough this new development in the manga totally made the first chapters of my story moot to the point of becoming out of character and out of Bleach universe, 'smiles wryly' I will continue on with the next chapters because the story already has a life of its own (besides, I'm sure I'll be haunted by its ghost and my parents would find me in a heap of terror mumbling about an unfinished Bleach fanfic. God forbid!). So on with the story. IchiRuki all the way. Woot! Pocky sticks to everyone!


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